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Which one do you think is better to help do research, internet or academicbooks? Explain why. v.1

Which one do you think is better to help do research, internet or academicbooks? Explain why. v. 1
The power of technology can be seen in the world, the way development took place in the fields like: automobile, mobile phone, and android application is amazing. It also played a huge role in bringing people closer to each other, even from the different part of the world. Its influence has always been positive among the people. First, the invention of the technology like the cell phone has played a major part to have a conversation between your family, even at a further distance away from your family. In addition to that, it is quite portable, can fit into your pocket and can carry anywhere with you. Today, even some business deals are also done on the cell phone. Now most of the people stay away from their family for better opportunities, it is not possible for them to go and meet with them, so technology like Whatsapp has made life easier, we can about talk on it, by having their cell phone numbers. Second, development in the area of vehicles has also reduced the communication gap among the various countries. For example invention of Ships, Aeroplanes has improved the trading among the countries which helped to establish the trust among people from diverse country and now you could travel around the world without worrying about that someone might hurt you because you are from the different country. In conclusion, Although some people might be arguing about its demerits, but the advantages of these technologies are more than the disadvantages. So, I can always see more positive aspects of the development of the technology.
The power of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the world, the way development took place in the fields like: automobile, mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
, and android application is amazing. It
also
played a huge role in bringing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
closer to each other, even from the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
part of the world. Its influence has always been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
among the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

First
, the invention of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
like the cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
has played a major part to have a conversation between your family, even at a
further
distance away from your family.
In addition
to that, it is quite portable, can fit into your pocket and can carry anywhere with you.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
business deals are
also
done on the cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
stay away from their family for better opportunities, it is not possible for them to go and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
with them,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
like
Possible spelling mistake found.
Whatsapp
has made life easier, we can about talk on it, by having their cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
numbers.

Second, development in the area of vehicles has
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
the communication gap among the various countries.
For example
invention of Ships,
Possible spelling mistake. 'Aeroplanes' is British English.
Aeroplanes
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
the trading among the countries which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
to establish the trust among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from diverse country and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
you could travel around the world without worrying about that someone might hurt you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
you are from the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
country.

In conclusion
, Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might be arguing about its demerits,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the advantages of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
are more than the disadvantages.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I can always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects of the development of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Which one do you think is better to help do research, internet or academicbooks? Explain why. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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