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TOEFL essay: Some people believe that university students should be required to attend classes. Others believe that going to classes should be optional for students. Which point of view do you agree with? Use specific reasons and details to. . . v.1

TOEFL essay: Some people believe that university students should be required to attend classes. Others believe that going to classes should be optional for students. Which point of view do you agree with? Use specific reasons and details to. . . v. 1
In multiple nations, it has been observed that there has been a drastic elevation in criminal activities perpetrated by the younger demographics. The possible reasons for juvenile crime could be poverty and an absence of moral education. Many constructive rules can be implemented to bring about a great alteration and help obsolete the wrong doings by teenagers. In the past few years, there has been a noticeable section of adolescent population who have indulged themselves in blatant crimes. For example, many teens are exposed to drugs and cocaine out of which they perpetually snitch money from people so as to afford those illegal products. In addition, smarter and the braver ones are found to be in cyber crimes and heists. First of all an intrinsic cause behind these dispositions is the upbringing of an individual. Young people who are born in a place with limited means and grew up in a poor environment compels them to become a culprit. Moreover, there is no one who takes up the responsibility of enlightening them the disparities between good and bad. Government should take some corrective measures by imposing draconian laws against these obnoxious activities encountered among teenagers. Consequently, this will arise a sense of immense fear amongst the adolescents before even committing any crime. However, as we all know that precaution is better than cure. So there should be an initiative taken to address these young people by explicating them about the brighter version of life. In conclusion, the rate of crime which is often seen committed by the teenagers can be reduced to a greater extent with the aforementioned actions which is to be taken up by the right authority.
In multiple nations, it has
been observed
that there has been a drastic elevation in criminal activities perpetrated by the younger demographics. The possible reasons for juvenile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
could be poverty and an absence of moral education.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
constructive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
can
be implemented
to bring about a great alteration and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
obsolete the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
doings by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
.

In the past few years, there has been a noticeable section of adolescent population who have indulged themselves in blatant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
teens
are exposed
to drugs and cocaine out of which they
perpetually
snitch money from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
afford those illegal products.
In addition
, smarter and the braver ones
are found
to be in cyber
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
and heists.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
an intrinsic cause behind these dispositions is the upbringing of an individual. Young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
are born
in a place with limited means and grew up in a poor environment compels them to become a culprit.
Moreover
, there is no one who takes up the responsibility of enlightening them the disparities between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
should take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
corrective measures by imposing
Possible incorrect capitalization. Some adjectives that are derived from proper nouns can have both an initial capital letter and an initial lower case letter. If there is a close association with the proper noun, use "Draconian".
draconian
laws against these obnoxious activities encountered among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
.
Consequently
, this will arise a sense of immense fear
Do not mix variants of the same word ('amongst' and 'among') within a single text.
amongst
the adolescents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
even committing any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
However
, as we all know that precaution is better than cure.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
there should be an initiative taken to address these young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
by explicating them about the brighter version of life.

In conclusion
, the rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
committed by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
to a greater extent with the aforementioned actions which is to
be taken
up by the right authority.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay TOEFL essay: Some people believe that university students should be required to attend classes. Others believe that going to classes should be optional for students. Which point of view do you agree with? Use specific reasons and details to. . . v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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