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The chart below shows the percentage of the whole population in four countries from 1950 2002 with projections to 2050 v.1

The chart below shows the percentage of the whole population in four countries from 1950 2002 with projections to 2050 v. 1
Lots of museums charge an entry fee, while others do not. This essay thinks that the drawbacks of charging fees do not outweigh the benefits because although some people are excluded when museums charge admission, museums need the funding. The main disadvantage is that high fees exclude a large proportion of the population, especially in less developed countries. Many people in poorer countries have just enough money for food and shelter and exhibits and museums are one of the few cultural activities they can enjoy free of charge. For example, Egypt has millions of poor people, but also a rich ancient culture and it is important that all the people get to experience these artefacts, not just those that can afford it. But this essay would argue that people with such serious concerns are unlikely to appreciate the arts. However, there are some who say that museums are unsustainable without the money they get from ticket sales. They say that this allows the buildings to remain open and it is better that some people get to see the exhibits, rather than none at all. For instance, in the UK there have been huge government spending-cuts over the last few years, and museums have had to rely on entrance fees to stay open. Therefore, it is obvious that without these charges, there would be no museums at all. In conclusion, although it is unfortunate that everyone cannot enjoy the exhibits in a museum, the money earned from charging people to enter is often the only thing that is keeping the doors open.
Lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charge
an entry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
, while others do not. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
that the drawbacks of charging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
do not outweigh the benefits
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are excluded
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charge
admission,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
need the funding.

The main disadvantage is that high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
exclude a large proportion of the population,
especially
in less
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in poorer countries have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money for food and shelter and exhibits and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
are one of the few cultural activities they can enjoy free of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charge
.
For example
, Egypt has millions of poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
a rich ancient culture and it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to experience these
Possible spelling mistake. 'artefacts' is British English.
artefacts
, not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
those that can afford it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
this essay would argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with such serious concerns are unlikely to appreciate the arts.

However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
who say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
are unsustainable without the money they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
from ticket sales. They say that this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
the buildings to remain open and it is better that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the exhibits,
rather
than none at all.
For instance
, in the UK there have been huge
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
spending-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cuts
over the last few years, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
have had to rely on entrance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
to stay open.
Therefore
, it is obvious that without these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charges
, there would be no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
at all.

In conclusion
, although it is unfortunate that everyone cannot enjoy the exhibits in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
, the money earned from charging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to enter is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
thing
that is
keeping the doors open.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The chart below shows the percentage of the whole population in four countries from 1950 2002 with projections to 2050 v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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