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which one do you think is better? take courses in a a variety of subjects or focus on just one single subject? v.1

which one do you think is better? take courses in a a variety of subjects or focus on just one single subject? v. 1
Nowadays, technology takes an important place in our daily life. The expansion of the use of different devices for divers reasons, replacing our traditional habits. These two ways to resolve a problem or just do an usual thing are incompatible. In my opinion, technology can be really useful, particularly when people are looking for something, such as a place or a research. However, in certain cases, traditional culture is better to choose. In this essay, I will discuss both parts of this question and give several reasons to my point-view. First of all, modern devices can be useful in some conditions. Generally, people prefer it to their grandmother way, because this is most simple and safe to use. In addition, cutting-edge represents a gain of time in our daily. Google map for example, is considered by the majority of the population indispensable. Indeed, the use of a traditional map takes a lot of time just to find the location, whereas with the application the person has just to write the name of the street and google will search it for him. According, to the professor Montball in his article for the CNRS, 75% of the people interviewed favourise the use of this kind of map because they cannot be lost with this way. Therefore, it is predicted that modernity will outweigh the old generation technics in the future. Furthermore, traditional culture is always definited, such as luxury and original. Only few people have the capacity to reproduce our old technics. It becomes rare the same articles or flavours which was made by our grandparents. For this reason, it is expensive for a person to buy something made with an old technique. For instance, traditionally, leather is often used in order to make a bag, but the way that leather was manufactured in the past and today is totally different. A few years ago, everything was made by hand in comparison to now where we use principally machine, because we want to produce more. Thus, I believe that the quality of these two leather bags is different and the original one is more solid than the manufactured one. In conclusion, technology and tradition are not totally incompatible, if it is managed in the best way, they can cohabits together. Although, technology can be used for research and traditional is always the source of quality and luxury
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
takes an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
place in our daily life. The expansion of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
devices for divers reasons, replacing our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
habits. These two ways to resolve a problem or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
do
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
usual thing are incompatible. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
can be
really
useful,
particularly
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are looking for something, such as a place or
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
.
However
, in certain cases,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
culture is better to choose. In this essay, I will discuss both parts of this question and give several reasons to my point-view.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, modern devices can be useful in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
conditions.
Generally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer it to their grandmother way,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this is most simple and safe to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.
In addition
, cutting-edge represents a gain of time in our daily. Google map
for example
,
is considered
by the majority of the population indispensable.
Indeed
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
map takes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to find the location, whereas with the application the person has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to write the name of the street and google will search it for him. According, to the professor
Possible spelling mistake found.
Montball
in his article for the CNRS, 75% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
interviewed
Possible spelling mistake found.
favourise
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of this kind of map
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they cannot
be lost
with this way.
Therefore
, it
is predicted
that modernity will outweigh the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
generation
Possible spelling mistake found.
technics
in the future.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
culture is always
Possible spelling mistake found.
definited
, such as luxury and original.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have the capacity to reproduce our
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
Possible spelling mistake found.
technics
. It becomes rare the same articles or
Possible spelling mistake. 'flavours' is British English.
flavours
which
was made
by our grandparents.
For this reason
, it is expensive for a person to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
something made with an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
technique.
For instance
,
traditionally
, leather is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a bag,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the way that leather
was manufactured
in the past and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
is
totally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
. A few years ago, everything
was made
by hand
in comparison
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
where we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
principally
machine,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we want to produce more.
Thus
, I believe that the quality of these two leather bags is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
and the original one is more solid than the manufactured one.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and tradition are not
totally
incompatible, if it
is managed
in the best way, they can
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "cohabit"
cohabits
together. Although,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for research and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
is always the source of quality and luxury
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay which one do you think is better? take courses in a a variety of subjects or focus on just one single subject? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
394 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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