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when a new technology is released, some people like to try it right away, while others prefer to wait until the technology becomes more established and popular. How do you feel about new technology? explain your answer with details and examples. v.2

when a new technology is released, some people like to try it right away, while others prefer to wait until the technology becomes more established and popular. How do you feel about new technology? explain your answer with details and examples. v. 2
Nowadays, Children are being affected by diseases like obesity that were once thought to be meant for older people. The primary cause of this phenomenon is having too much junk, fast food. The most viable solution is to launch a publicity campaign in the media and schools. Adolescents, these days, eat too much junk, fast food that is putting them in serious health condition like obesity and other health-related issues. That is to say that these foods contain things like cheese, mayonnaise and ketchup that are made up of fatty material. And the result of having such type of food is to face diseases like obesity and heart problems. For example, a recent survey of the University of Mumbai revealed that 15% were children of the people who came to hospitals having heart problems in the last year. The best solution is to launch a public awareness campaign in the media and school to educate people about the danger of having too much junk, fast food. It is necessary to make children and their parents realized that having these diseases can put their careers and lives in danger. A public awareness campaign could shed light on this predicament and allow people to be receptive about this. For instance, this initiative was taken in Japan 6years ago when 25% of the people who came to hospitals during the course of 6months were children that resulted in the reduction of these cases by 15%. In conclusion, youngsters are suffering from obesity and other heart-related issues that were meant to be for older people just around 2 decades ago because of consuming a vast amount of junk and fast food, this difficult situation can be tackled by launching an awareness program in the media and schools.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by diseases like obesity that were once
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
to
be meant
for older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. The primary cause of this phenomenon is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. The most viable solution is to launch a publicity campaign in the media and schools.

Adolescents, these days, eat too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
that is
putting them in serious health condition like obesity and other health-related issues.
That is
to say that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
contain things like cheese, mayonnaise and ketchup that
are made
up of fatty material. And the result of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
such type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is to face diseases like obesity and heart problems.
For example
, a recent survey of the University of Mumbai revealed that 15% were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who came to hospitals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
heart problems in the last year.

The best solution is to launch a public awareness campaign in the media and school to educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. It is necessary to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and their parents realized that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
these diseases can put their careers and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
. A public awareness campaign could shed light on this predicament and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to be receptive about this.
For instance
, this initiative
was taken
in Japan 6years ago when 25% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who came to hospitals during the course of 6months were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
that resulted in the reduction of these cases by 15%.

In conclusion
, youngsters are suffering from obesity and other heart-related issues that
were meant
to be for older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
around 2 decades ago
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of consuming a vast amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, this difficult situation can
be tackled
by launching an awareness program in the media and schools.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay when a new technology is released, some people like to try it right away, while others prefer to wait until the technology becomes more established and popular. How do you feel about new technology? explain your answer with details and examples. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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