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the university is considering making major changes to the college radio station. changes would include an expansion of the station's broadcasting range, which would allow the radio's programming to reach nearby towns. one goal of the pla v.1

the university is considering making major changes to the college radio station. changes would include an expansion of the station's broadcasting range, which would allow the radio's programming to reach nearby towns. one goal of the pla v. 1
Communication between young and old is very important, especially for the wisdom of young people. However, after the introduction of so many distractions now there is hardly any social contact between the older generation and a younger generation. In the following paragraphs, I will discuss the reason behind this problem and how to solve it. One of the common reasons in the reduction of social contact between the young generation and the older generation is the advancement of a technology. After the introduction of streaming services, Now young generation is busy in watching movies and seasons rather than sitting with their seniors to get wisdom or an advice from them. For example, In third world countries young generation mostly waste their precious time while watching the television and playing the video games instead of discussing their social problems with their seniors. A government can eradicate this severe issue by promoting the benefits for young people of having a social relationship with older people. After the introduction of these programmes, a young individual can realize that with no social interaction with their older ones they are leaving so much behind. For instance, In first world countries the government promotes such activities in their environment to escalate the awareness about this serious issue and to eradicate this problem as early as possible. To sum up, For an increase in the reduction of a social contact between young and old, governments are trying their best to promote these sort of activities and making sure that they are being followed. Up to some extent, People will follow this practice, but due to a severe advancement in the technology most of the people will still do not follow this practice.
Communication between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
,
especially
for the wisdom of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
However
, after the introduction of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
distractions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
there is hardly any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
contact between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
generation and a younger generation. In the following paragraphs, I will discuss the reason behind this problem and how to solve it.

One of the common reasons in the reduction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
contact between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
generation is the advancement of a technology. After the introduction of streaming services,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation is busy in watching movies and seasons
rather
than sitting with their seniors to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
wisdom or
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "advice".
an advice
from them.
For example
, In third world countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation
mostly
waste their precious time while watching the television and playing the video games
instead
of discussing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
problems with their seniors.

A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can eradicate this severe issue by promoting the benefits for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
relationship with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. After the introduction of these
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
individual can realize that with no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
interaction with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
ones they are leaving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much behind.
For instance
, In
first
world countries the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
promotes such activities in their environment to escalate the awareness about this serious issue and to eradicate this problem as early as possible.

To sum up, For an increase in the reduction of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
contact between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
are trying their best to promote
Did you mean "this sort" or "these sorts"?
these sort
of activities and making sure that they are
being followed
. Up to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
will follow this practice,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
due to a severe advancement in the technology most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
still
do not follow this practice.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay the university is considering making major changes to the college radio station. changes would include an expansion of the station's broadcasting range, which would allow the radio's programming to reach nearby towns. one goal of the pla v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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