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Some college students choose to take courses in a variety of subject area in order to get a broad education. Others choose to focus on a single subject are in order to have a deeper understanding of that are. Which approach to course selection do you thin v.1

Some college students choose to take courses in a variety of subject area in order to get a broad education. Others choose to focus on a single subject are in order to have a deeper understanding of that are. Which approach to course selection do you thin v. 1
Tertiary schooling plays a vital role in human life. It is commonly believed that pupils ought to pay their higher education fee by on their own instead of getting help from the state, while I completely disagree with this statement and will support my viewpoints in following paragraph. To begin with, there will be many consequences of not providing university education for young citizen, those students who do not have such privileges to afford their higher studies will not be able to get admission in their desired field and will not be able to perform in jobs at their highest for the rest of their life. For example, there is a report on South Asia that 55% students in subcontinent cannot afford the particular field where they desired to go and due to the lack of public university they have to switch their field. After that, to help juvenile to get into university will eventually help the country’s economy, furthermore, The more people go into universities the more they will benefit their country’s economy, moreover, there will be less unemployment rate, they will be able to get a job in any organization, in addition to, they will think for the prosperity of themselves as well as the prosperity of the country, additionally, some of them even able to start their own business eventually it will help government to run the country. For instance, if someone starts a business, then they will hire some employees, they will pay tax to the government, so it will be a benefit for all from the person who started the business to his employees to eventual government. In conclusion, although there are a lot of people who think that a person who want to get college tuition should bear the cost of education by the owner, however, I believe that government ought to subsidize coaching for their citizen in order to use their true potential for the betterment of the country.
Tertiary schooling plays a vital role in human life. It is
commonly
believed that pupils ought to pay their higher education fee by on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
instead
of getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
from the state, while I completely disagree with this statement and will support my viewpoints in following paragraph.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
consequences of not providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
education for young citizen, those students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
do not have such privileges to afford their higher studies will not be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
admission in their desired field and will not be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to perform in jobs at their highest for the rest of their life.
For example
, there is a report on South Asia that 55% students in subcontinent cannot afford the particular field where they desired to go and due to the lack of public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
switch their field.

After that, to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
juvenile to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
will
eventually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
economy,
furthermore
, The more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
go into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
the more they will benefit their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
economy,
moreover
, there will be less unemployment rate, they will be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a job in any organization,
in addition
to, they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
for the prosperity of themselves
as well
as the prosperity of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
,
additionally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them even
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
business
eventually
it will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to run the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
For instance
, if someone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
a business, then they will hire
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
employees, they will pay tax to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it will be a benefit for all from the person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
the business to his employees to eventual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

In conclusion
, although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that a person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
college tuition should bear the cost of education by the owner,
however
, I believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
ought to subsidize coaching for their citizen in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their true potential for the betterment of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is wine upon the lips. – Virginia WoolfInspirational quotes for language learners
Virginia Woolf

IELTS essay Some college students choose to take courses in a variety of subject area in order to get a broad education. Others choose to focus on a single subject are in order to have a deeper understanding of that are. Which approach to course selection do you thin v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
326 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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