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Some college students choose to take courses in a variety of subject areas in order to get broader education. Others choose to focus on a single subject area in order to have deep understanding of that area. Which approach to course selection do you thin v.1

Some college students choose to take courses in a variety of subject areas in order to get broader education. Others choose to focus on a single subject area in order to have deep understanding of that area. Which approach to course selection do you thin v. 1
Although science and technology have made the world a smaller place, but there exists a huge diversity not only in terms of flora and fauna but also in terms of wealth and prosperity. In this essay I will be supporting the argument that the government of poorer nations should be responsible for their citizens, taking help from their wealthier counterparts only if it is unavoidable. Developed nations like USA, Britain and France are wealthier due to their phenomenal natural, structural and financial prowess, which is a result of decades of commendable governance and hard work of its citizens. Similarly, it is essential for poorer nations who are dreaming about a prosperous future, to have a stable and a visionary government, which can build their future. Wealthy nations should not be required to share their fortunes with under developed nations because of the following reasons. Firstly, it will set a bad precedent for the poorer nations in tackling with their internal issues. It is the state's responsibility to look after the basic needs of its citizens such as education, health care and jobs. Such monetary benefits could hamper the government's outlook towards striving for improvement. Secondly, the developed nations will not give the money as a gift and the poorer nations will crumble under debt in the long run. For example, Pakistan is under a huge debt due to CPEC corridor being funded by China. Finally, this can also result in the nation losing its sovereignty, owing to its huge debt. There are several organizations such as the IMF, World Bank, which provides monetary support to nations during a crisis. Developed countries should support these organizations instead of direct wealth transfer to the underdeveloped countries. To conclude, the onus of development should be on the leadership to look after its citizens and the wealthier nations should not be mandatorily required to share their wealth. However, they can contribute through organizations which are committed to help the financially weaker nations.
Although science and technology have made the world a smaller place,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there exists a huge diversity not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in terms of flora and fauna
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
in terms of wealth and prosperity. In this essay I will be supporting the argument that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
should be responsible for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
, taking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from their wealthier counterparts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
if it is unavoidable.

Developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
A determiner is probably missing here: "like the USA".
like USA
, Britain and France are wealthier due to their phenomenal natural, structural and financial prowess, which is a result of decades of commendable governance and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work of its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
.
Similarly
, it is essential for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
who are dreaming about a prosperous future, to have a stable and a visionary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, which can build their future.

Wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
should not
be required
to share their fortunes with under developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the following reasons.
Firstly
, it will set a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
precedent for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
in tackling with their internal issues. It is the state's responsibility to look after the basic needs of its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
such as education, health care and jobs. Such monetary benefits could hamper the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's outlook towards striving for improvement.

Secondly
, the developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
will not give the money as a gift and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
will crumble under debt in the long run.
For example
, Pakistan is under a huge debt due to
Possible spelling mistake found.
CPEC
corridor
being funded
by China.
Finally
, this can
also
result in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
losing its sovereignty, owing to its huge debt.

There are several organizations such as the IMF, World Bank, which provides monetary support to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
during a crisis.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Developed countries
should support these organizations
instead
of direct wealth transfer to the underdeveloped countries.

To conclude
, the onus of development should be on the leadership to look after its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
and the wealthier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
should not be
Possible spelling mistake found.
mandatorily
required to share their wealth.
However
, they can contribute through organizations which
are committed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
financially
weaker
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some college students choose to take courses in a variety of subject areas in order to get broader education. Others choose to focus on a single subject area in order to have deep understanding of that area. Which approach to course selection do you thin v. 1

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
328 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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