Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

There are many parents that make use of smartphones in order to stay to stay communicated with their children. What do you thing about that? (explain) v.1

There are many parents that make use of smartphones in order to stay to stay communicated with their children. What do you thing about that? (explain) v. 1
No one can deny that the education of our children should be one of our top priorities. However, there is often a question whether separate classes or mixed classes are better for our boys and girls. Below I will try to answer this question. Placing your child in a separate school, where there are only children with the same gender, has, undoubtedly, some advantages. Our child would be more focused on learning than on the opposite sex, which is particularly important in that age. Moreover, the possibility of violent behaviours, connected with sex, is also less. Therefore it is better for the teachers to control such a class, as they know what they can expect. On the other hand, youngsters will lose an opportunity to create relationships with boys or girls and it may affect their lives in the future. Although mixed schools have some disadvantages and they are sometimes perceived as a source of aggression among the youth, I think that they prepare children better for a life in a modern society which, nowadays, is full of mixed environments. Our boy can have a boss who is a girl, for instance, thus he will be better prepared having a possibility to interact with another gender before. In conclusion, I have more trust in mixed schools as, in my opinion, they learn children how to behave in the modern society which will help them in their mature lives. In the end, every parent wants the best for their children so I hope that they will choose the best option.
No one can deny that the education of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should be one of our top priorities.
However
, there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
a question whether separate classes or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mixed
classes are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
for our boys and girls. Below I will try to answer this question.

Placing your child in a separate school, where there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with the same gender, has,
undoubtedly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages. Our child would be more focused on learning than on the opposite sex, which is
particularly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in that age.
Moreover
, the possibility of violent
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
, connected with sex, is
also
less.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
for the teachers to control such a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
, as they know what they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
.

On the other hand
, youngsters will lose an opportunity to create relationships with boys or girls and it may affect their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in the future. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mixed
schools have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
disadvantages and
they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
perceived as a source of aggression among the youth, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they prepare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
for a life in a modern society which, nowadays, is full of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mixed
environments. Our boy can have a boss who is a girl,
for instance
,
thus
he will be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
prepared having a possibility to interact with another gender
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.

In conclusion
, I have more trust in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mixed
schools as, in my opinion, they learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
how to behave in the modern society which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in their mature
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, every parent wants the best for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I hope that they will choose the best option.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay There are many parents that make use of smartphones in order to stay to stay communicated with their children. What do you thing about that? (explain) v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts