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Which of the following would you choose? A job with regular salary and regular working hours OR a job with high salary but long working hours? v.2

Which of the following would you choose? A job with regular salary and regular working hours OR a job with high salary but long working hours? v. 2
Most people have to work in modern society, and working hour prolongs due to increased workload. As a result, some people bring up the idea that work-life is more important than the salary so people should not work overtime. However, I would choose a job with high salary even though the working hour is longer. Below are three reasons to support my claim. To begin with, I want to earn a lot of money, so job with high salary is a top choice to me. To be more specific, I enjoy fancy food and staying at luxury hotels when I travel, so I need to earn a great amount of money to support my living style. While some people indicate that if they work long hours, they would not have time to do other things. However, in my opinion, I can use my money to hire people to do things that I don’t have time to do, for example, a housekeeper to clean my house and do the laundry for me. Hence, I prefer the job which allows me to earn much money. In the second place, I like to challenge myself and pursue higher-level position, which usually require a long working hour. For instance, I spent extra time after work to gain knowledge related to my job, and I got promoted fast. If I did not do so, I would not have got the promotion. In addition, all of the directors and general manager in my company work from 8: 00 in the morning till 8: 00 at night, and sometimes I receive working emails from them in the late night. That is, to pursue a position in higher level management, I have to adapt to the long working hour. Although some people hold the view that long working hour is stressful, I hold the opposite position. To explain, I would choose a job base on my interest and passion, so when I devote myself to the job and work for long hours, I don' t’ feel pressured. Instead, I feel happy and worthwhile. Accordingly, I once heard from a senior colleague told me that although he worked 12 hours a day, he did not feel the work-life balance was a problem, because he really enjoyed his work. That is, his work was an important part of his life. Therefore, I believe long working hour would not bring me much stress. In summary, I prefer the job with high salary even thought I have to work much time since I need much money to live my desired life. Also, in order to pursue higher-level position, I don’t mind to work long hours, and in fact, I believe I will enjoy my job very much.
Most
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people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
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work
in modern society, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hour
prolongs due to increased workload.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
bring up the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that work-life is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than the
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salary
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
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people
should not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
overtime.
However
, I would choose a
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job
with high
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salary
even though
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hour
is longer. Below are three reasons to support my claim.

To
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begin
with, I want to earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
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money
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
with high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
is a top choice to me. To be more specific, I enjoy fancy food and staying at luxury hotels when I travel,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I need to earn a great amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to support my living style. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
indicate that if they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
, they would not have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to do other things.
However
, in my opinion, I can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to hire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to do things that I don’t have
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time
to do,
for example
, a housekeeper to clean my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
and do the laundry for me.
Hence
, I prefer the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
me to earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
money.

In the second place, I like to challenge myself and pursue higher-level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
, which
usually
require a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hour
.
For instance
, I spent extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to gain knowledge related to my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
promoted
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
. If I did not do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, I would not have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
the promotion.
In addition
,
Consider using "all the".
all of the
directors and general manager in my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from 8: 00 in the morning till 8: 00 at night, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
I receive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
emails from them in the late night.
That is
, to pursue a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
in higher level management, I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
adapt to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
hour.

Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
hold the view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hour
is stressful, I hold the opposite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
, I would choose a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
base on my interest and passion,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
when I devote myself to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
, I
Possible spelling mistake found.
don&
#039; t’ feel pressured.
Instead
, I feel happy and worthwhile.
Accordingly
, I once heard from a senior colleague
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
me that although he worked 12
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
a day, he did not feel the work-life balance was a problem,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he
really
enjoyed his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
That is
, his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
was an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of his life.
Therefore
, I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hour
would not bring me
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.

In summary, I prefer the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
with high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
since I need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
my desired life.
Also
, in order to pursue higher-level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
, I don’t mind to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
, and in fact, I believe I will enjoy my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
68Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Which of the following would you choose? A job with regular salary and regular working hours OR a job with high salary but long working hours? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
455 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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