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Agree or disagree, the most important thing for the governments to improve healthcare is to clean the environment. v.2

Agree or disagree, the most important thing for the governments to improve healthcare is to clean the environment. v. 2
As government expenditure on healthcare is getting higher, improving healthcare is important. However, what should government to do to improve healthcare is a highly debated topic. While some people believe the most important thing is to clean the environment, I hold the view that other things are more important. To begin with, government hopes to improve health as soon as possible, but cleaning the environment may not reach that goal immediately. For instance, no one can tell do people get healthier after government clean the trash on the streets. On the other hand, if authority allocates the budget to reimburse the fee for treatment or medicine for sick people, we know that people would get healthier. Thus, government should invest its resources on other projects which are more practical rather than cleaning the environment. In the second place, government cares about people and taking care of most people is its priority, but making environment cleaner does not benefit most people. To illustrate, cleaning all the land in a country is impossible for an administration, so it must pick one area to clean first, which would no doubt be the big city instead of countryside, and as a result, it would be unfair for people who live in the countryside. Nonetheless, if government provides financial aid for buying medicine, everyone living in the country can take advantage of the policy. Last but not least, even if the environment is cleaned and some people get healthier, the desired effect will not last long. Take my country as an example. Twenty years ago, it successfully made the country cleaner and probably made people healthier by forbidding factories to effluent waste water in the river. However, a new problem hurting health, the air pollution, emerged because of increased use of cars. Furthermore, when the authority tried to reduce the carbon dioxide emitted by cars, another environmental issue raised; sand storms coming from other country harmed our people’s health. That is, the most important thing for the governments to improve healthcare is not to clean the environment because although the method works for a while, other environment issues come and hurt people’s health again. In summary, cleaning environment does not reach government’s goal of improving healthcare, since government emphasizes efficiency and hopes to take of most citizens. Even if cleaning environment seems works, the desired impact disappears soon.
As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
expenditure on healthcare is getting higher, improving healthcare is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
However
, what should
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government
to do to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
healthcare is a
highly
debated topic. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing is to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clean
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
, I hold the view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
things are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
hopes to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cleaning
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
may not reach that goal immediately.
For instance
, no one can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
healthier after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clean
the trash on the streets. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, if authority allocates the budget to reimburse the fee for treatment or medicine for sick
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, we know that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
healthier.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should invest its resources on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
projects which are more practical
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cleaning
the environment.

In the second place,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
cares about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and taking care of most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is its priority,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
cleaner does not benefit most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. To illustrate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cleaning
all the land in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is impossible for an administration,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
pick one area to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clean
first
, which would no doubt be the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
city
instead
of countryside, and
as a result
, it would be unfair for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the countryside. Nonetheless, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
provides financial aid for buying medicine, everyone living in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
can take advantage of the policy.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, even if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
is cleaned
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
healthier, the desired effect will not last long. Take my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
as an example. Twenty years ago, it
successfully
made the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
cleaner and
probably
made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
healthier by forbidding factories to effluent waste water in the river.
However
, a new problem hurting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, the air pollution, emerged
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of increased
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of cars.
Furthermore
, when the authority tried to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the carbon dioxide emitted by cars, another environmental issue raised; sand storms coming from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
harmed our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
That is
, the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
healthcare is not to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clean
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
although the method works for a while,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
issues
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
and hurt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
again.

In summary,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cleaning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
does not reach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government’s
goal of improving healthcare, since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
emphasizes efficiency and hopes to take of most citizens. Even if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cleaning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
seems works, the desired impact disappears
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
53Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS essay Agree or disagree, the most important thing for the governments to improve healthcare is to clean the environment. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
393 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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