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Which of the following do you think is the most important for maintaining good health? Doing exercises, eating healthy food, or going to bed early? v.1

Which of the following do you think is the most important for maintaining good health? Doing exercises, eating healthy food, or going to bed early? v. 1
In many countries, a big proportion of expenditure is being spent on exploring the space. It is argued that this expenditure should be spent on other important things rather than on space exploration. However, in my opinion, keep other significant things in mind, space program is very crucially and important for the whole world and should be funded due to the fact that it will help to improve the communication between countries in the world and also helping to search a new alternate to live. To begin, a reason to support funding space program is communication between all over the globe. Because business and organizations are being expanded geographically, they need a communication channel to run these businesses in an effective manner. It has become possible after launching satellites in the orbit. For instance, NASA, which is a reputed space organization has launched many satellites in the orbit, which are being used to broadcast the signals in the form of audio and video to across the globe. Moreover, the satellite television has only become possible due the space programs, and people are able to watch the global events instantly from anywhere. Thus, it can be said that by doing the space exploration, world communication has utterly been changed and for this reason it should be financially aided. Furthermore, As global warming has become a serious concern for the whole world, scientist have started to find the alternate planet to live. Due to this fact, there are going to be conducted more space programs and eventually more money is needed to support these programs. For instance, ISRO, which is an Indian space research organization has been funded by the Indian government. As a result, they have managed to launch own satellite without the help of other countries. In addition, there is a need to resolve the problem of global warming and this could only be possible if more space programs will be aided financially. Thus, it has been important for every country to give financial support to these programs so that the next generation can live in a better place. In conclusion, I firmly believe that space program should be supported financially as there is need to get together the whole world to improve the communication and fight against the environmental problems.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
proportion of expenditure is
being spent
on exploring the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
. It
is argued
that this expenditure should
be spent
on other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
things
rather
than on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
exploration.
However
, in my opinion,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
other significant things in mind,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
crucially
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
and should
be funded
due to the fact that it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
and
also
helping to search a new alternate to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
, a reason to support funding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
between all over the globe.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
business and organizations are
being expanded
geographically
, they need a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
channel to run these businesses
Consider replacing "in an effective manner" with the adverb for "effective"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an effective manner
. It has become possible after launching satellites in the orbit.
For instance
, NASA, which is a reputed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
organization has launched
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
satellites in the orbit, which are being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to broadcast the signals in the form of audio and video to across the globe.
Moreover
, the satellite television has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
become possible due the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
the global
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
instantly
from anywhere.
Thus
, it can
be said
that by doing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
exploration,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
has
utterly
been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
and
for this reason
it should be
financially
aided.

Furthermore
, As global warming has become a serious concern for the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, scientist have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to find the alternate planet to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
. Due to this fact, there are going to
be conducted
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
and
eventually
more money
is needed
to support these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
.
For instance
, ISRO, which is an Indian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
research organization has
been funded
by the Indian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
As a result
, they have managed to launch
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
satellite without the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
In addition
, there is a need to resolve the problem of global warming and this could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be possible if more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
will
be aided
financially
.
Thus
, it has been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to give financial support to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the
next
generation can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a better place.

In conclusion
, I
firmly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
should
be supported
financially
as there
is need
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
together the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
and fight against the environmental problems.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Which of the following do you think is the most important for maintaining good health? Doing exercises, eating healthy food, or going to bed early? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
381 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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