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Many cities have become less pleasant places to live in recent years. What do you think are the causes of it? What solution can you suggest? v.1

Many cities have become less pleasant places to live in recent years. What do you think are the causes of it? What solution can you suggest? v. 1
It has been observed that the majority of older people face isolation due to various factors. This essay discusses the reasons associated with this phenomena and suggests possible solutions to overcome this. Loneliness in older people is caused when their offspring move to another country or because of their lack of physical strength. In most families, children leave their hometown due to work or education purposes. In India, adults migrate to western nations in order to attain financial stability by leaving their loved ones behind, could be considered as an illustration. Besides that, the elderly citizens might not have the physical fitness to even step out of their home. As they age old, they struggle with several health issues, which prevents them from being active. For instance, many grandparents are unable to actively engage with their grandchildren because of certain health problems. In short, older individuals feel isolated when their closed ones shift to a different place and when they do not have strength to interact. However, it can be resolved by having quality time with family and engaging in physical activities. If children can spend their valuable time with parents, it could help them in eradicating lonely feelings. For example, people who live abroad can travel to their native during the holidays to take care of their family members. This way, old people will not be depressed because of the solitude. Furthermore, senior citizens be involved in some physical activities to maintain good health. The government should conduct boot camps where they can not only exercise, but can make new friends by meeting new individuals of their age. Clearly, the feeling of abandonment can be prevented by having a family time and doing exercises to be healthy. In conclusion, although loneliness in aged people because of staying away from their children and health complications, it can be avoided by spending time with family and maintaining their physical health.
It has
been observed
that the majority of older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
face isolation due to various factors. This essay discusses the reasons associated with
Did you mean "these"?
this
phenomena and suggests possible solutions to overcome this.

Loneliness in older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
caused when their offspring
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to another country or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
strength. In most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
, children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their hometown due to work or education purposes. In India, adults migrate to western nations in order to attain financial stability by leaving their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones behind, could
be considered
as an illustration.
Besides
that, the elderly citizens might not have the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
fitness to even step out of their home. As they age
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
, they struggle with several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
them from being active.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
grandparents are unable to
actively
engage with their grandchildren
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems. In short, older individuals feel isolated when their closed ones shift to a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
place and when they do not have strength to interact.

However
, it can
be resolved
by having quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and engaging in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activities. If children can spend their valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with parents, it could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in eradicating lonely feelings.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
abroad can travel to their native during the holidays to take care of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members. This way,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will not
be depressed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the solitude.
Furthermore
, senior citizens
be involved
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activities to maintain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should conduct boot camps where they can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
exercise,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
new friends by meeting new individuals of their age.
Clearly
, the feeling of abandonment can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
by having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and doing exercises to be healthy.

In conclusion
, although loneliness in aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of staying away from their children and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
complications, it can
be avoided
by spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and maintaining their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Many cities have become less pleasant places to live in recent years. What do you think are the causes of it? What solution can you suggest? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
319 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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