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Which of the following courses do you recommend most for high school students to take: cooking, personal financial management, automobile repairing. v.1

Which of the following courses do you recommend most for high school students to take: cooking, personal financial management, automobile repairing. v. 1
These days, visiting other countries has become more affordable and over the last few years, tourism has risen noticeably. In my opinion, there are more benefits than drawbacks to this increase and in this essay I will explain why. The first positive point is that tourists buy local products to take home, this helps the local economy to grow. Gift shops, for example, have become very popular among visitors, and in the last time they have increased their sales significantly. Secondly, hostels, hotels and inns have raised the amount of workers they hire because of the increasing demand on accommodation facilities. Another advantage is that there is a continuous cultural interchange, namely, foreign food, clothes, music and customs are now shared by visitors to hosts and vice versa. On the disadvantages side, local attractions have got noticeably more expensive, due to they are targeted to international tourism. Many museums and shows in Argentina, for instance, are charged in US dollars, making local attendance to these very difficult and almost impossible. In addition, tourists have priority to buy these tickets, therefore, when local people want to go to a museum, the seats have been already sold out. In conclusion, in spite the high amount of visitors may have worsened the affordability and availability of tickets for local events and attractions, in my opinion, it has improved the economy of the hosting country. The increase in the sales of souvenirs and in the booking of accommodation are the main reasons for this. It has also enhanced cultural interchange. In that manner, national and international tourism should continue to be promoted by the governments of every country.
These days, visiting other countries has become more affordable and over the last few years, tourism has risen
noticeably
. In my opinion, there are more benefits than drawbacks to this increase and in this essay I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why.

The
first
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
point is that tourists
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
products to take home, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
economy to grow. Gift shops,
for example
, have become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
popular among visitors, and in the last time they have increased their sales
significantly
.
Secondly
, hostels, hotels and inns have raised the amount of workers they hire
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the increasing demand on accommodation facilities. Another advantage is that there is a continuous cultural interchange,
namely
, foreign food, clothes, music and customs are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
shared by visitors to hosts and vice versa.

On the disadvantages side,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
attractions have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
noticeably
more expensive, due to they
are targeted
to international tourism.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
museums and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
in Argentina,
for instance
,
are charged
in US dollars, making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
attendance to these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult and almost impossible.
In addition
, tourists have priority to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
these tickets,
therefore
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
want to go to a museum, the seats have been already sold out.

In conclusion
, in spite the high amount of visitors may have worsened the affordability and availability of tickets for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
and attractions, in my opinion, it has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
the economy of the hosting country. The increase in the sales of souvenirs and in the booking of accommodation are the main reasons for this. It has
also
enhanced cultural interchange. In that manner, national and international tourism should continue to
be promoted
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
of every country.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Which of the following courses do you recommend most for high school students to take: cooking, personal financial management, automobile repairing. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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