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Many small-town center shops are running out of business because rural residents tend to go shopping in big cities store. To what extent do the disadvantages of this development outweigh the advantages? v.1

Many small-town center shops are running out of business because rural residents tend to go shopping in big cities store. v. 1
Working environment is rapidly changing these days. Nowadays, we see individuals from not similar ages working in the same company. In my opinion, there are more advantages than the disadvantages. Firstly, having a different generation mix in the same organization increases the productivity because each person has different ideas to deliver the work. Moreover, the elders could act as mentors to the younger ones. For example, in a software company if aged humans are in a manager role could extract the best quality of work from the freshers using their leadership skills and experience. This will increase the profits of any industry, and return on investment. However, there is one negative point in this case which is usually seniors in any industry will demand high compensation counting their experience. In this situation, the cost to the company in terms of salaries would be higher. Secondly, including different age workers in the same workforce will increment the responsibility of juniors towards seniors. For instance, in any firm where physical involvement is required young ones can assist old ones wherever needed. However, due to ego problems among the workers could damage the work environment. Next, having a different mix of ages of the same gender in the same workforce could be of great help among them. To illustrate, women employees of unusual ages could build stronger relationships since they can share their problems either personal or professional. To summarize, this essay has described both positives and negatives of involving different ages in the same workplace. Although there are some issues with this kind of situation, the benefits are more when compared.
Working environment is
rapidly
changing these days. Nowadays, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
individuals from not similar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
working in the same
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. In my opinion, there are more advantages than the disadvantages.

Firstly
, having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
generation mix in the same organization increases the productivity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
each person has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
to deliver the work.
Moreover
, the elders could act as mentors to the younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
.
For example
, in a software
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
if aged humans are in a manager role could extract the best quality of work from the freshers using their leadership
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and experience. This will increase the profits of any industry, and return on investment.
However
, there is one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
point
in this case
which is
usually
seniors in any industry will demand high compensation counting their experience. In this situation, the cost to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
in terms of salaries would be higher.

Secondly
, including
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
workers in the same workforce will increment the responsibility of juniors towards seniors.
For instance
, in any firm where physical involvement
is required
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
can assist
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
wherever needed.
However
, due to ego problems among the workers could damage the work environment.
Next
, having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
mix of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
of the same gender in the same workforce could be of great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
among them. To illustrate, women employees of unusual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
could build stronger relationships since they can share their problems either personal or professional.

To summarize
, this essay has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
described
both positives and negatives of involving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
in the same workplace. Although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
issues with this kind of situation, the benefits are more when compared.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Many small-town center shops are running out of business because rural residents tend to go shopping in big cities store. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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