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Which of the following courses do you recommend most for high school students to take: cooking, personal financial management, automobile repairing. v.2

Which of the following courses do you recommend most for high school students to take: cooking, personal financial management, automobile repairing. v. 2
In the era of the unprecedented and unpredictable changes from economy to society, a reality is that students in modern world have more accesses to better schooling, which not only aims at learning fundamental courses, but also developing external abilities. When it comes to the courses students should take, some people recommend cooking or automobile repairing for high school students to take, while I suggest that it is helpful for high school students to take personal financial course. First and foremost, learning personal financial course leads to a frugal lifestyle. On the average, personal financial course is most effective way for high students, a huge number of them are lack the sense of managing their own property, to know something about the finance. Finance course provides a great opportunity for the students to learn some useful and basic concepts of economics, such as how to save money or how to purchase the insurance. After learning this, students are more likely to utilize the main ideas from the course in their daily life and use money much more widely, which leads a thrifty life style. For example, one of my friends Lucia takes the personal finance selective course when she is a high school student. During that semester, she knows a lot about economics concepts. To be specific, the most impressive concepts she remembers is profit of the banks, which makes her understand to how to save more money in the bank rather than keep all the crash alone. Without taking the finance course, she may drain out all her deposits every month. Besides, it is convincing that learning personal finance course can prepare a lot for students’ university life and adulthood. In general, a systemic finance learning can stimulate students to have a blueprint for the future. The cause of that plan of life is that students who take financial course focus on the overall benefit and cost, which means they want to do everything with an explicit outcome. Therefore, they have desire to think deeply and regulate their future, which always bring a lot of benefits when they face some significant decisions like how to choose the university or part part job. For instance, my roommate Amy who is a college student does not take any financial lessons when she was 17 years old. When she needs to choose her dream school, she choose a university without thinking financially because she is lack of the sense of finance. Unfortunately, she successfully enters XL technological university, which means she has to paid a great amount of tuition. Thus, she has to spend a lot of spare time to do a part job and feels distressed every day. Admittedly, some people asserts that cooking and automobile repairing. However, they bring the negligible advantages. To be specific, a lot of students have already learned how to cook a meal from their family when they are young. Moreover, high school students do not need to repair the automobile since they are not allowed to drive at all. Judging what has been discussed above, it is not difficult to draw a conclusion that it is necessary for high school students to take personal financial course.
In the era of the unprecedented and unpredictable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
from economy to society, a reality is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in modern world have more accesses to better schooling, which not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
aims at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
fundamental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
developing external abilities. When it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should take,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
recommend cooking or automobile repairing for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to take, while I suggest that it is helpful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
course.

First
and foremost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
leads to a frugal lifestyle. On the average,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
is
Did you mean "the most"?
most
effective way for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, a huge number of them are lack the sense of managing their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
property, to know something about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
finance
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Finance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
provides a great opportunity for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
useful and basic concepts of economics, such as how to save money or how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
the insurance. After
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are more likely to utilize the main
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
in their daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
money much more
widely
, which leads a thrifty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
style.
For example
, one of my friends Lucia takes the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
finance
selective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
when she is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
. During that semester, she knows a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
about economics concepts. To be specific, the most impressive concepts she remembers is profit of the banks, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
her understand to how to save more money in the bank
rather
than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
all the crash alone. Without taking the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
finance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
, she may drain out all her deposits every month.

Besides
, it is convincing that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
finance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
can prepare a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and adulthood.
In general
, a systemic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
finance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
can stimulate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to have a blueprint for the future. The cause of that plan of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
focus on the
overall
benefit and cost, which means they want to do everything with an explicit outcome.
Therefore
, they have desire to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
deeply
and regulate their future, which always bring a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of benefits when they face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
significant decisions like how to choose the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
or
Possible typo: you repeated a word
part part
job.
For instance
, my roommate Amy who is a college
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
does not take any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
lessons when she was 17 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
. When she needs to choose her dream
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, she
The pronoun 'she' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "chooses", "chose".
choose
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
without thinking
financially
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
she is lack of the sense of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
finance
. Unfortunately, she
successfully
enters XL technological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
, which means she has
Did you mean "to pay"?
to paid
a great amount of tuition.
Thus
, she
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
spend a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of spare time to do a part job and feels distressed every day.

Admittedly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
asserts
that cooking and automobile repairing.
However
, they bring the negligible advantages. To be specific, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have already learned how to cook a meal from their family when they are young.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
do not need to repair the automobile since they are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to drive at all.

Judging what has
been discussed
above, it is not difficult to draw a conclusion that it is necessary for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
75Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Which of the following courses do you recommend most for high school students to take: cooking, personal financial management, automobile repairing. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
531 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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