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Which of the following characteristics is the most important for a student to be successful? Self-motivating, hard-working, intelligent. v.1

Which of the following characteristics is the most important for a student to be successful? Self-motivating, hard-working, intelligent. v. 1
Language translation by computers has considerably improved in recent years. Some people claim children need not learn a foreign language. I completely disagree with this statement because, they need to explore different languages, in order to increase their cognitive ability and as they grow they might need to interact with people of different languages. Firstly, language skill is an important milestone in a child's development because it improves the cognitive ability. In addition, the brain becomes sharp if multiple languages are learnt in paediatric age. Although, softwares can translate languages for children still they cannot improve their language learning skills. Therefore, the little ones must be encouraged to master an additional language. For example, my cousin can speak fluently in German language and hence, she can excel in her career. Moreover, children learn new things at a fast pace similarly, speaking in a new language might not be difficult for them. Secondly, children may encounter people from different parts of the world in future, because of globalisation. So, they must be well prepared at an early age, by motivating them to concentrate on a foreign language. Further, as a grownup if they need to migrate to a different country, this knowledge will help them to be social in a foreign land. For instance, my primary education was in English I had an advantage to become friendly with people in a foreign land when I moved to London. In conclusion, language translation by computers might not help children in the long run nevertheless, children need to improve their language skills in order to thrive in a distant place.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Language
translation by computers has
considerably
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
in recent years.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
claim
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
not learn a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
. I completely disagree with this statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to explore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
, in order to increase their cognitive ability and as they grow they might
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to interact with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
languages.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
milestone in a child's development
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
the cognitive ability.
In addition
, the brain becomes sharp if multiple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
are
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
in
Possible spelling mistake. 'paediatric' is British English.
paediatric
age. Although,
Possible spelling mistake found.
softwares can
translate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
still
they cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
learning
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Therefore
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
ones
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be encouraged
to master an additional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
.
For example
, my cousin can speak
fluently
in German
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
and
hence
, she can excel in her career.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
learn new things at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
pace
similarly
, speaking in a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
might not be difficult for them.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may encounter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
parts of the world
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well prepared
at an early age, by motivating them to concentrate on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
.
Further
, as a grownup if they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to migrate to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
country, this knowledge will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to be social in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
land.
For instance
, my primary education was in English I had an advantage to become friendly with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
land when I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
to London.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
translation by computers might not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in the long run
nevertheless
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in order to thrive in a distant place.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Which of the following characteristics is the most important for a student to be successful? Self-motivating, hard-working, intelligent. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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