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TPO 16 - Question 4Social LoafingWhen people work in groups to perform a task, individual group members may feel less motivated to contribute, since no one person is held directly responsible for completing the task. The result is that people may not work v.1

TPO 16 - Question 4Social LoafingWhen people work in groups to perform a task, individual group members may feel less motivated to contribute, since no one person is held directly responsible for completing the task. The result is that people may not work v. 1
These days, lots of attractive buildings are constructed in many countries. Although the government is spending on such buildings, I believe that schools and hospitals need more attention and authorities must have some optimal plans to develop and improve them. It’s undeniable that each advanced city must have some skyscrapers. These architectures are vital to absorb tourist attraction. Therefore, it influences tourism industry and despite the fact that visitors tend to go and see such buildings and spend money there, it also benefits the financial state. In addition, I think individual city has a special symbol. So the existence of an impressive structure as an icon could be valuable and makes it unforgettable. Furthermore, it also could be an appropriate place for some special events. For example concerts, art galleries, exhibitions, etc. However, it should be noted that governments must ensure to provide social facilities for their citizens. One of these and the most significant one is health care centre. If there isn’t enough or enhanced health care centre, it will affect the quality of people life. People maybe get sick and couldn’t find a proper and easy access hospital. The other vital necessities are educational centres. Schools could be a good example. Because lack of modern schools could impact on the future of the natives and they can’t learn or be familiar with new technologies and up-to-date knowledge. In conclusion, I believe while the government need to invest money on tremendous buildings because of their advantages, they must spend more time and money on modernizing schools and hospitals.
These days, lots of attractive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
are constructed
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries. Although the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
is spending on such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and hospitals need more attention and authorities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
optimal plans to develop and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
them.

It’s undeniable that each advanced city
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
skyscrapers. These architectures are vital to absorb tourist attraction.
Therefore
, it influences tourism industry and despite the fact that visitors tend to go and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
and spend money there, it
also
benefits the financial state.
In addition
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
individual city has a special symbol.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
the existence of an impressive structure as an icon could be valuable and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it unforgettable.
Furthermore
, it
also
could be an appropriate place for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
special
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
.
For example
concerts, art galleries, exhibitions, etc.

However
, it should
be noted
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
ensure to provide social facilities for their citizens. One of these and the most significant one is health care
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
. If there isn’t
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
or enhanced health care
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
, it will affect the quality of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
life.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
maybe
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
sick and couldn’t find a proper and easy access hospital. The other vital necessities are educational
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Schools
could be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
lack of modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
could impact on the future of the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
natives and
they can’t learn or be familiar with new technologies and up-to-date knowledge.

In conclusion
, I believe while the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
need to invest money on tremendous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their advantages, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
spend more time and money on modernizing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and hospitals.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 16 - Question 4Social LoafingWhen people work in groups to perform a task, individual group members may feel less motivated to contribute, since no one person is held directly responsible for completing the task. The result is that people may not work v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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