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The amount of violence in movies has increased. What effect does this have on viewers? Should governments censor movies? v.1

The amount of violence in movies has increased. What effect does this have on viewers? Should governments censor movies? v. 1
Although it is sometimes thought that schools ought to teach children to compete, other people believe that the focus should be about cooperation. In my opinion, I consider that competition helps children learn the most important skills for their future life. On the one hand, some people think that children who learn to compete against each other often do better in school and I agree. In other words, the competition between students motivates them to excel in their studies or tasks which consequently produces better academic performance and results. For example, students generally apply themselves and work harder when they are in direct competition with their classmates. Furthermore, being driven to achieve the best is vital in order to succeed later in career when, as adults, they must compete against others in the job market. On the other hand, it is often believed that it is better if the emphasis at the school is on cooperating with others. People we do not live, work or socialise apart from others, so learning how to work alongside other people ought to be taught from childhood. Without these skills, children would lack the ability to communicate with each other or know how to deal with confrontations and conflicts in a constructive way. Another reason why team skills are useful for children is that they learn how to negotiate with others to complete a task. This is an essential skill to learn for their future life. In conclusion, while people may vary in their opinions, I think that children stand a better chance to succeed both in school and later in life if they are encouraged to compete against each other.
Although it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
ought to teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
compete
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that the focus should be about cooperation. In my opinion, I consider that competition
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
for their future life.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
compete
against each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, the competition between students motivates them to excel in their studies or tasks which
consequently
produces
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
academic performance and results.
For example
, students
generally
apply themselves and work harder when they are in direct competition with their classmates.
Furthermore
,
being driven
to achieve the best is vital in order to succeed later in career when, as adults, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
compete
against others in the job market.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
believed that it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
if the emphasis at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is on cooperating with others.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
we do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
, work or
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialise' is British English.
socialise
apart from others,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
learning how to work alongside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
ought to
be taught
from childhood. Without these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would lack the ability to communicate with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
or know how to deal with confrontations and conflicts
Consider replacing "in a constructive way" with the adverb for "constructive"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a constructive way
. Another reason why team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
are useful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is that they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
how to negotiate with others to complete a task. This is an essential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
for their future life.

In conclusion
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may vary in their opinions, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
stand a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
chance to succeed both in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and later in life if they
are encouraged
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
compete
against each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The amount of violence in movies has increased. What effect does this have on viewers? Should governments censor movies? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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