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In some countries, the criminal trials are shown on the TV and the general public can watch them. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v.1

In some countries, the criminal trials are shown on the TV and the general public can watch them. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1
It is often seen that many developed nations are becoming wealthier, while developing nations are getting poorer. The primary reason for this trend is the establishment of multinational companies from developed word to these poor nations, and the most viable solution is to regulate the employment wages in poorer countries. Many business corporations from rich countries are setting up their industrial factories in underdeveloped nations is the main reason for this disparity between nations. This is because individuals in impoverished nations are willing to work for less salaries, therefore, the business would be more lucrative than their country of origin. When they export this money to their home country, the richest nation would improve their wealth and the poor nations would remain the same. For example, Apple company built their industries in China that increased their annual profit by almost 50%, and this money transfer to home country made the nation even richer. To tackle this problem the government should regulate the salary of people in developing nations. In other words, if the employees in the poor countries were able to receive remuneration which was compared to the companies’ country of origin in relation to the cost of living, then more money would stay in poorer countries that eventually improve the status of that nation. For instance, Ireland after joined with EU nations in 1980s’, they remarkably increased their wealth through a similar initiative and now they are one among the richest nations in the world. In conclusion, the major reason for the increased disparity between nations is many industries from developing world start their business in impoverished nations, and an appointment solution for this predicament is to adjust the salary of people in developing nations proportionate with the home country.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
are becoming wealthier, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
are getting poorer. The primary reason for this trend is the establishment of multinational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
from developed word to these poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
, and the most viable solution is to regulate the employment wages in poorer countries.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
business corporations from rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are setting up their industrial factories in underdeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
is the main reason for this disparity between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
individuals in impoverished
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
are willing to work for
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun salaries is countable.
less
salaries,
therefore
, the business would be more lucrative than their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
of origin. When they export this money to their home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, the richest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their wealth and the poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
would remain the same.
For example
, Apple
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
built their industries in China that increased their annual profit by almost 50%, and this money transfer to home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
made the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
even richer.

To tackle this problem the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should regulate the salary of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
.
In other words
, if the employees in the poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
were able to receive remuneration which
was compared
to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
of origin in relation to the cost of living, then more money would stay in poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
that
eventually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the status of that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
.
For instance
, Ireland after
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
with EU
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
The article is probably missing here: "in the 1980s".
in 1980s
’, they
remarkably
increased their wealth through a similar initiative and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
they are one among the richest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
in the world.

In conclusion
, the major reason for the increased disparity between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
industries from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their business in impoverished
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
, and an appointment solution for this predicament is to adjust the salary of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
proportionate with the home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries, the criminal trials are shown on the TV and the general public can watch them. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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