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Which kind of universities do you prefer, universities whose graduates can find good jobs or universities where there are famous professors? v.1

Which kind of universities do you prefer, universities whose graduates can find good jobs or universities where there are famous professors? v. 1
University, as we all know, for the majority of people is one of the crucial parts of life. Although it may seem exaggerated, at first sight, one may find this contention sensible. In this regard, many people believe that the universities whose graduates can find good jobs are preferable, while others think differently. I think providing infrastructure for finding a good job which is initiates in universities is far better than having famous professors. I will delve into two conspicuous reasons to elaborate on my standpoint. The first reason that makes me hold this belief is the necessity of having a job. Although having famous professors bring noticeable academic opportunities to students, finding a good job has become a remarkable concern among people. Moreover, from an economic perspective, every human considered a human resource which should be beneficial for the government somehow; based on the government viewpoint, there is nothing more valuable than having a job for people. Therefore, having a job can positively influence GDP and bring welfare to the society. For instance, one of the most important government expenses is the money which spends on universities. So by working, people not only re-spend that money to the government but also bring benefits to the economy. Nevertheless, when a person ready to find a job? Without a doubt, the infrastructure of finding a suitable job should build somewhere; where is far more suitable than the universities? Another equally noteworthy reason to bear in mind is the self-confidence, which emanates from having a good job. In comparison with an unemployed person or people who assign to the poor job, an individual who has a good job feels more satisfaction from his life; therefore shows better self-confidence as well. Based on an experiment which had conducted about the job, about which I have read an article, results showed that in similar circumstances such as the same education and social level people who can find a good job present better self-confidence rather than people who are unemployed or have an unsatisfactory job. Obviously, the job plays a dominant role in people`s life. To summarize, contemplating all remarks, we can safely conclude that although having famous professors considered an excellent opportunity for students, finding a good job plays a fundamental role in the whole of their life. A good job not only beneficial for society but also favorable for individuals.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
, as we all know, for the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is one of the crucial parts of life. Although it may seem exaggerated, at
first
sight, one may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
this contention sensible. In this regard,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
whose graduates can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are preferable, while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
differently
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
providing infrastructure for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
finding
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
which is initiates in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
is far better than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
professors. I will delve into two conspicuous reasons to elaborate on my standpoint.

The
first
reason that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
me hold this belief is the necessity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
professors bring noticeable academic opportunities to students,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
finding
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
has become a remarkable concern among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Moreover
, from an economic perspective, every human considered a human resource which should be beneficial for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
somehow; based on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
viewpoint, there is nothing more valuable than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
can
positively
influence GDP and bring welfare to the society.
For instance
, one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
expenses is the money which spends on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
by working,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
re-spend that money to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
bring benefits to the economy.
Nevertheless
, when a person ready to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
? Without a doubt, the infrastructure of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
finding
a suitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
should build somewhere; where is far more suitable than the universities?

Another
equally
noteworthy reason to bear in mind is the self-confidence, which emanates from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
In comparison
with an unemployed person or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
assign to the poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, an individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
has a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
feels more satisfaction from his life;
therefore
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
better self-confidence
as well
. Based on an experiment which had conducted about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, about which I have read an article, results
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that in similar circumstances such as the same education and social level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
present better self-confidence
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are unemployed
or have an unsatisfactory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
Obviously
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
plays a dominant role in
The character between 'people' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "people’s" (curly apostrophe) or "people's" (straight apostrophe).
people`s
life.

To summarize
, contemplating all remarks, we can
safely
conclude that although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
professors considered an excellent opportunity for students,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
finding
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
plays a fundamental role in the whole of their life. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
beneficial for society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
favorable for individuals.
18Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
61Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS essay Which kind of universities do you prefer, universities whose graduates can find good jobs or universities where there are famous professors? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
397 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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