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It is more important to read and watch news presented by people whose opinion is different from your own view than by people whose opinion are similar to yours. v.1

It is more important to read and watch news presented by people whose opinion is different from your own view than by people whose opinion are similar to yours. v. 1
Over the last ten years, it has been seen at around 20% rise in the number of children who are overweight. This essay will discuss some reasons why this has occurred and examine the consequences of this trend. The main cause of this problem is consuming unhealthy foods. Over the last decade, there has been a significant increase in the amount of fast food restaurants which is easy to access due to construct every high street. Although the foods of these places contain a weak nutritive value the youth oriented advertising prove these chain restaurants to be more common amongst the adolescent. However, it is not only owing to eating out, but also the type of consuming habit at home. Various eaten food is processed food, especially ready made meals which are a quick and easy option for parents who are working hard. The effect of this would sustain and it will become serious if the issue has not been wary. Firstly, there has been a large increase in health problems amongst children, namely, diabetes, cardiac diseases, obesities. These illnesses mean that children have to addict medicine to feel better. Not only this, further one who is overweight often experience bullying from the others, which means it may affect their mental health. In addition, being overweight brings some social challenges either family and person. And also unfortunately being overweight builds some barrier between their life and society To sum up, it is evident that there are several causes of diseases which is relevant overweight and very negative effects. For this reason, in my opinion ensure steps are taken to prevent this problem.
Over the last ten years, it has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
at around 20% rise in the number of children who are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
. This essay will discuss
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons why this has occurred and examine the consequences of this trend.

The main cause of this problem is consuming unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
. Over the last decade, there has been a significant increase in the amount of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
restaurants which is easy to access due to construct every high street.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
of these places contain a weak nutritive value the youth oriented advertising prove these chain restaurants to be more common amongst the adolescent.
However
, it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
owing to eating out,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the type of consuming habit at home. Various eaten
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is processed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
,
especially
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
ready made
meals which are a quick and easy option for parents who are working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
. The effect of this would sustain and it will become serious if the issue has not been wary.

Firstly
, there has been a large increase in health problems amongst children,
namely
, diabetes, cardiac diseases,
Possible spelling mistake found.
obesities
. These illnesses mean that children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
addict medicine to feel better. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
this,
further
one who is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
experience bullying from the others, which means it may affect their mental health.
In addition
, being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
social challenges either family and person. And
also
unfortunately being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
builds
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
barrier between their life and society

To sum up, it is evident that there are several causes of diseases which is relevant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects.
For this reason
, in my opinion ensure steps
are taken
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
this problem.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay It is more important to read and watch news presented by people whose opinion is different from your own view than by people whose opinion are similar to yours. v. 1

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
272 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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