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Which kind of movies do you prefer (serious ones that make you think or amusing and entertaining ones)? v.1

Which kind of movies do you prefer (serious ones that make you think or amusing and entertaining ones)? v. 1
Around the world, people can enter to some museums, such as art galleries, without making any payment, while in others, visitors must pay for the ticket to access. The main advantage of make a contribution to these cultural places is that they can use that money to improving their exhibitions. However, a disadvantage could be that people avoid going there because they do not have enough financial resources to face it. First of all, museums are an amazing tool to expanding knowledge and learning about different cultures and history. These places give a huge cultural value and we should preserve them, being crucial an economical support. For example, in Argentina we have plenty of museums with free admission, and some of them they are not in a good condition. In my opinion, they should charge an admission fee, not an expensive one, to improve each exhibition room. Secondly, in a couple of tourists and popular cities we can find that entering in different museums during the travel is expensive. For that reason, some visitors have to choose between them just because they cannot afford that charge. For instance, when I have been travelling around Europe, I went to a lot of museums and I really loved them. Thus, I had to avoid some interesting ones due to expensive tickets. In conclusion, a money contribution from travellers destinated to cultural places is important to preserve them. However, the promotion of these kind of places is crucial too. For that reason, a reasonable way to solve that is charged for the admission, but it could be a reasonable price.
Around the world,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can enter to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
, such as art galleries, without making any payment, while in others, visitors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
pay for the ticket to access. The main advantage of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a contribution to these cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
is that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
that money to improving their exhibitions.
However
, a disadvantage could be that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
avoid going there
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
financial resources to face it.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
are an amazing tool to expanding knowledge and learning about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultures and history. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
give a huge cultural
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
value and
we should preserve them, being crucial an
Did you mean "economic" (=connected with economy)?
economical
support.
For example
, in Argentina we have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
with free admission, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them they are not in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
condition. In my opinion, they should charge an admission fee, not an expensive one, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
each exhibition room.

Secondly
, in a couple of tourists and popular cities we can find that entering in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
during the travel is expensive. For that reason,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
visitors
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
choose between them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they cannot afford that charge.
For instance
, when I have been travelling around Europe, I went to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and I
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
them.
Thus
, I had to avoid
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
interesting ones due to expensive tickets.

In conclusion
, a money contribution from
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
Possible spelling mistake found.
destinated
to cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to preserve them.
However
, the promotion of
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
is crucial too. For that reason, a reasonable way to solve that
is charged
for the admission,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it could be a reasonable price.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Which kind of movies do you prefer (serious ones that make you think or amusing and entertaining ones)? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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