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What are the causes of crime and what could be done to prevent this rise incriminal activity? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevantexamples from your own knowledge or experience. v.1

What are the causes of crime and what could be done to prevent this rise incriminal activity? v. 1
The matter of mass development outside the city has been widely discussed in recent years. Some people suppose that building new houses have negative while others people argue that it has more benefits for public. This essay will consider my opinion about the advantages of the extension of the living space for people. First, the environment in large and overcrowded cities is contaminated. A several decades ago, before the metropolises were so huge, productions and factories were taken out of this locality. Nowadays, there are so many people that they have to live around these companies, which has a critical impact on their health. For example, I live on the outskirts in the district of Marino, next to us there is an oil refinery and every month the release of hydrogen sulphide is recorded. According to research, a slight increase in gas by even 10% causes the following symptoms: regular headaches, nausea, vomiting and allergic reactions. As a consequence, I would prefer to live in the countryside, but in healthier and more favourable conditions for me and my family. Another benefit for people is the convenience of living. In small towns or villages, as a rule, construction companies build low-rise buildings with their own territory. The private residential sector has more space than tiny apartments in the metropolis. A family can comfortably live in such a house, having several bathrooms, private rooms for each family member and a huge kitchen-living room. In addition, its own territory will allow children to walk safely, arrange a barbecue and relax in the fresh air. I am sure that smart construction will improve the quality of life of current residents of large cities, as well as improve the health of the population!
The matter of mass development outside the city has been
widely
discussed in recent years.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suppose that building new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
while others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that it has more benefits for public. This essay will consider my opinion about the advantages of the extension of the living space for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

First
, the environment in large and overcrowded cities
is contaminated
. A several
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "decade"?
decades
ago,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the metropolises were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
huge, productions and factories
were taken
out of this locality. Nowadays, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
around these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
, which has a critical impact on their health.
For example
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
on the outskirts in the district of Marino,
next
to us there is an oil refinery and every month the release of hydrogen
Possible spelling mistake. 'sulphide' is British English.
sulphide
is recorded
. According to research, a slight increase in gas by even 10% causes the following symptoms: regular headaches, nausea, vomiting and allergic reactions. As a consequence, I would prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in the countryside,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in healthier and more
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
conditions for me and my family.

Another benefit for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is the convenience of living. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
towns or villages, as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
, construction
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
build low-rise buildings with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
territory. The private residential sector has more space than tiny apartments in the metropolis. A family can
comfortably
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in such a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
, having several bathrooms, private rooms for each family member and a huge kitchen-living room.
In addition
, its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
territory will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
children to walk
safely
, arrange a barbecue and relax in the fresh air.

I am sure that smart construction will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the quality of life of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
residents of large cities,
as well
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the health of the population!
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay What are the causes of crime and what could be done to prevent this rise incriminal activity? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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