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Some movies are serious, designed to make the audience think. Other movies are designed primarily to amuse and entertain. Which type of movie do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.2

Some movies are serious, designed to make the audience think. Other movies are designed primarily to amuse and entertain. Which type of movie do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 2
Obesity has been a problem for centuries together. Nowadays, the people are heavier than they were ever before. The situation is very alarming. Sadly, no big measures have been taken by the government to take cognizance of this issue. In general, we humans are so caught up in our day to day agendas that there is very little time to check on our health regimes. However, in this essay, we will talk about the causes of being obese and measures to reduce this phenomena. The primary causes of this is due to bad lifestyle choices and even worse habits. I also feel the people give too much importance to earning money that they forget what to eat that is right. For example, I would blame the fast food joints for causing obesity in the United States of America. Moreover, I also feel cheap unhealthy foods being produced and sold in plenty is another reason. . Furthermore, peer pressure is an another reason that aids to the people being unhealthy. Finally, there has to an end to this. The measures that can be taken are firstly parents should tell their kids about the harmful effects of the same. Advertisements should play all across in the countries to make people aware about what to eat. Fast food joints should come up with healthier alternatives. The people can also turn vegan and opt for organic way of living. I think exercising would be an amazing option that the world should follow religiously. To conclude, this epidemic needs to stop right now. The world needs to be healthy for a happy living. By eating right and staying fight, we can fight obesity together.
Obesity has been a problem for centuries together. Nowadays, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are heavier than they were ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. The situation is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
alarming.
Sadly
, no
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
measures have
been taken
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to take cognizance of this issue.
In general
, we humans are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
caught up in our
It appears that two hyphens are missing.
day to day
agendas that there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
on our health regimes.
However
, in this essay, we will talk about the causes of being obese and measures to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
Did you mean "these"?
this
phenomena.

The primary causes of this is due to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
lifestyle choices and even worse habits. I
also
feel the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
give too much importance to earning money that they forget what to eat
that is
right.
For example
, I would blame the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food joints for causing obesity in the United States of America.
Moreover
, I
also
feel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
unhealthy foods
being produced
and sold in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
is another reason.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Furthermore
, peer pressure is
One of these determiners is redundant in this context. Choose only one: "a reason" or "another reason".
an another reason
that aids to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
being unhealthy.
Finally
, there
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
to this.

The measures that can
be taken
are
firstly
parents should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
their kids about the harmful effects of the same. Advertisements should play all across in the countries to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
aware about what to eat.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Fast
food joints should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with healthier alternatives. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
also
turn vegan and opt for organic way of living. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
exercising would be an amazing option that the world should follow
religiously
.

To conclude
, this epidemic needs to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
right
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
. The world needs to be healthy for a happy living. By eating right and staying fight, we can fight obesity together.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
You live a new life for every new language you speak. If you know only one language, you live only once.
Czech Proverb

IELTS essay Some movies are serious, designed to make the audience think. Other movies are designed primarily to amuse and entertain. Which type of movie do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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