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Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for examples working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for examples working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children). v. 1
The preference of an individual, living in an apartment or a bungalow depends on a lot of factors. Some people live in a residence because of the price incurred while staying in the flat is cheaper than staying in a bungalow. While some people prefer privacy over the amount. In this essay, will discuss the advantages of living in a flat over the house. Firstly, staying in an apartment is an expensive affair. The expenditure incurred for maintaining the bungalow is high as compared to flat because the size of the bungalow is more than a flat. The services provided by the society are cost saving for an individual. They provide gym facilities, a sports centre for the use of society members. While in the case of an individual who stays in the bungalow has to shed a lot of money if they want to join a gym or a sports centre. However, they might have to travel far from home to attend such classes. The surveillance is important to protect the apartment, so the community appoints a surveillance agency, moreover, the cost is distributed among community members, whereas in case of the house owner, they have to look for security agencies which are reliable and they have to pay the hefty fees to hire them. For example - The place where I stay, have a small park in the community in which they have swings and slides, so the kids do play inside the community premises and they don’t have to go out in the park which is far from the community. These provide security for the kids, moreover, it is not time-consuming for the parents. Secondly, in the case of the emergency, the individual can get help from their neighbours, but for the individual staying in a bungalow, the people are unaware of their neighbour and unfortunately, they cannot take help from them, so they are dependent on themselves or family members. The advantage which an individual has who stays in a bungalow is they have the freedom to renovate their apartment without any interruption by the community members, and any prior notice. The neighbour interference is minimal as compared to the flat owners. In conclusion, even though there are fewer advantages of living in the bungalow than the flat, but the disadvantages which a house owner has, can save ample amount of money and at the time of emergency they can get help immediately.
The preference of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
, living in an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartment
or a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bungalow
depends on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
factors.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a residence
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the price incurred while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staying
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
flat
is cheaper than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staying
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bungalow
.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer privacy over the amount. In this essay, will discuss the advantages of living in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
flat
over the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staying
in an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartment
is an expensive affair. The expenditure incurred for maintaining the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bungalow
is high as compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
flat
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the size of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bungalow
is more than a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
flat
. The services provided by the society
are cost
saving for an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
. They provide gym facilities, a sports
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of society
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
. While in the case of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
who stays in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bungalow
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
shed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money if they want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
a gym or a sports
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
.
However
, they might
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
travel far from home to attend such classes. The surveillance is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to protect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartment
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
appoints a surveillance agency,
moreover
, the cost
is distributed
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
, whereas in case of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
owner, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
look for security agencies which are
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
reliable and
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay the hefty fees to hire them.
For example
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
The place where I stay, have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
park in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
in which they have swings and slides,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the kids do play inside the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
premises and
they don’t
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
go out in the park which is far from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
. These provide security for the kids,
moreover
, it is not time-consuming for the parents.

Secondly
, in the case of the emergency, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from their
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staying
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bungalow
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are unaware of their
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbour' is British English.
neighbour
and unfortunately, they cannot take
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from them,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they are dependent on themselves or family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
. The advantage which an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
has who stays in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bungalow
is they have the freedom to renovate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apartment
without any interruption by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
, and any prior notice. The
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbour' is British English.
neighbour
interference is minimal as compared to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
flat
owners.

In conclusion
,
even though
there are fewer advantages of living in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bungalow
than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
flat
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the disadvantages which a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
owner has, can save ample amount of money and at the time of emergency they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
immediately.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for examples working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children). v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
407 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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