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Which is a better way of learning about life: personal experience or listening to the advice of family and friends. Compare the advantages of these two different ways of learning about life. v.2

Which is a better way of learning about life: personal experience or listening to the advice of family and friends. Compare the advantages of these two different ways of learning about life. v. 2
Learning about life and how to have a better life is an issue that all of people are trying to find a logical and practical solution about it. There are two common and possible way to learn about life. First, we can just behave and make decision based on our own experiences and get other people’s recommendations and ask them to tell us about their experiences. Both of these strategies have their own advantage and disadvantages which we will argue them in following paragraphs. Learning about life based on our own personal experience is easier way to follow, because all of us have our own life story which consist of a lot of experiences. These experiences shape our perspective toward life and able us to judge life and reaction to the events based on this perspective. Consequently, our perspective toward life shapes our interesting too. Based on our perspective, which is result of our personal experience, we can talk about our favorite thing such as hobbies, job, person, etc. For instance, I used to play soccer when I was child because all of my friends liked it. But, I was really passionate to play basketball too, but because none my friends didn’t eager to do that, I haven’t any experience about it. So, I don’t know anything about it, but I think life is like playing soccer; mixture of good strategies and mental and physical abilities. Therefore, my own personal experience able me to adapt myself with what I have to do in future with considering what I have learned in past. In contrast, pay attention to others' experience and suggestions are really important too. There is couple of reasons to support the claim. First, other peoples’ cumulative experience is much more that our own experience. All of people faced with different situation that we didn’t experienced them. Furthermore, by using others’ experiences, we have more data to analysis, so, we can broaden our knowledge about wide variety of issue which we didn’t encountered them. Also, these suggestions will be more valuable if we will be in the similar condition. To illustrate, I usually use others comments on social communities about security, price, tidiness and other important factors of a hotel when I decide to travel and reserve a specific hotel. So, others' experiences and advice can shed light our knowledge on about wide variety of issues and help us to make right decision in right times. In conclusion, we should consider both our own experience and others' recommendation in learning about life. Just following our experience makes us an one dimensional person and limits our perspective about life, like a person who spend all of his life in a cave. On contrary, by paying too much attention to others' advice, we will unable to make even a decision because we will be very sensible and consequently, we will confused and will miss our own way of living. in conclusion, both of these strategies are correct, if and even if use in right time and in the right way.
Learning about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and how to have a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is an issue that all of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are trying to find a logical and practical solution about it. There are two common and possible way to learn about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
First
, we can
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
behave and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
decision based on our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
recommendations and ask them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
us about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
. Both of these strategies have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
advantage and disadvantages which we will argue them in following paragraphs.

Learning about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
based on our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
is
Please check whether an article is missing: "a easier".
easier
way to follow,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
all of us have our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
story which consist of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
experiences.

These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
shape our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
perspective
toward
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and able us to judge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and reaction to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
based on this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
perspective
.
Consequently
, our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
perspective
toward
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
shapes our interesting too. Based on our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
perspective
, which is result of our personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
, we can talk about our favorite thing such as hobbies, job, person, etc.
For instance
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to play soccer when I was child
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
all of my friends liked it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, I was
really
passionate to play basketball too,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
none my friends didn’t eager to do that, I haven’t any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
about it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I don’t know anything about it,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is like playing soccer; mixture of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
strategies and mental and physical abilities.
Therefore
, my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
able me to adapt myself with what I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do in future with considering what I have learned
Did you mean: "in the past"?
in past
.

In contrast
, pay attention to
Possible spelling mistake found.
others&
#039;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
and suggestions are
really
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
too. There is
It seems that an article is missing.
couple of
reasons to support the claim.
First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples’
cumulative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
is much more that our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
. All of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
faced with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
situation that we didn’t
The verb 'didn't' requires base form of this verb: "experience"
experienced
them.
Furthermore
, by using others’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
, we have more data to analysis,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, we can broaden our knowledge about wide variety of issue which we didn’t
The verb 'didn't' requires base form of this verb: "encounter"
encountered
them.
Also
, these suggestions will be more valuable if we will be in the similar condition. To illustrate, I
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
others comments on social communities about security, price, tidiness and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factors of a hotel when I decide to travel and reserve a specific hotel.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
others&
#039;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
and advice can shed light our knowledge on about wide variety of issues and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
decision in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
times.

In conclusion
, we should consider both our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
others&
#039; recommendation in learning about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
following our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
us
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
one dimensional person and limits our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
perspective
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, like a person who spend all of his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in a cave. On contrary, by paying too much attention to
Possible spelling mistake found.
others&
#039; advice, we
Did you mean "will be unable"?
will unable
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
even a decision
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
sensible and
consequently
, we will
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "confuse"
confused
and will miss our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
way of living.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
conclusion, both of these strategies are correct, if and even if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
time and in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
way.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
46Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15Mistakes

IELTS essay Which is a better way of learning about life: personal experience or listening to the advice of family and friends. Compare the advantages of these two different ways of learning about life. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
509 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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