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Your government has announced that it wishes to build a military base near your community. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this new influence on your community. Do you support or oppose the military base? Explain your position. v.2

Your government has announced that it wishes to build a military base near your community. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this new influence on your community. Do you support or oppose the military base? Explain your position. v. 2
With increasing tensions between countries and military alliances (e. g. NATO), many countries are planning to build military bases on strategic area. There is also another reason to build such places. Governments, which are suppress their citizens, build such places to prevent probable revolutions. In general, these military bases have some advantages and some disadvantages. First of all, military bases in areas that are strategically important are very beneficial. Presence of the military forces on these places can improve our country' s security. When a country feels that it' s borders are endanger by foreign forces, creating a military base in the best response to the enemies. For instance, the south east of Iran was very dangerous several years ago. Terrorists, which came from Pakistan and Afghanistan, killed a lot of innocent people because of religious beliefs. After many studies, in order to fight against terrorists, Iranian armies decided to build a military campus in that area. Now, that area is completely safe because many of the terrorists were died on through several ambushes conducted by military armies. Second of all, building a military campus can make a lot noise and disturb people who are settle in that area. As military units need a lot of logistic needs, then, aircraft such as jets, helicopters as well as tanks, trucks, military cars will communicate many times that make a lot of noise. Furthermore, presence of military armies usually cause people to fear and feel that they are insecure. This sense is common in regimes with low democracy. Furthermore, because armies are far away from their home, they may do some crimes such as rape and sexual abuses; things that we have heard many times in media. So, military bases are not a perfect place to provide security. Personally, I completely disagree with building military base in my community because I believe that military armies usually make people to feel insecure. People think that they are located here to suppress them and prevent them from demonstrating their objections to governments. Furthermore, we have police forces that are more adapted with urban areas and they can make us to feel secure. In conclusion, making military base is not a good idea. There are a lot of other alternatives to maintain our country. In fact, most of the advanced countries use electronic equipment to control their borders. I think we should use more modern facilities winch employs less humans.
With increasing tensions between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and military alliances (
There should be no space here: "e.g.".
e. g.
NATO),
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are planning to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
build
military
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bases
on strategic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
. There is
also
another reason to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
build
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
, which are
Consider using a past participle here: "suppressed".
suppress
their citizens,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
build
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
probable revolutions.
In general
, these military
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bases
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, military
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bases
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
that are
strategically
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
beneficial. Presence of the military forces on these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our
Possible spelling mistake found.
country&
#039; s security. When a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feels
that
Possible spelling mistake found.
it&
#039; s borders are
Consider using a past participle here: "endangered".
endanger
by foreign forces, creating a military
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
base
in the best response to the enemies.
For instance
, the
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
south east
of Iran was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
several years ago. Terrorists, which came from Pakistan and Afghanistan, killed a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of innocent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of religious beliefs. After
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
studies, in order to fight against terrorists, Iranian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
armies
decided to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
build
a military campus in that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
is completely safe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the terrorists were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
on through several ambushes conducted by military armies.

Second of all, building a military campus can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
noise and disturb
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are settle in that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
. As military units need a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of logistic needs, then, aircraft such as jets, helicopters
as well
as tanks, trucks, military cars will communicate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of noise.
Furthermore
, presence of military
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
armies
usually
cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to fear and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
that they are insecure. This sense is common in regimes with low democracy.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
armies
are far away from their home, they may do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
crimes such as rape and sexual abuses; things that we have heard
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times in media.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, military
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bases
are not a perfect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
to provide security.

Personally
, I completely disagree with building military
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
base
in my community
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I believe that military
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
armies
usually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
insecure.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they
are located
here to suppress them and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
them from demonstrating their objections to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
.
Furthermore
, we have police forces that are more adapted with urban
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
areas and
they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
us to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
secure.

In conclusion
, making military
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
base
is not a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
. There are a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of other alternatives to maintain our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. In fact, most of the advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
electronic equipment to control their borders. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
more modern facilities winch employs
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun humans is countable.
less
humans.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
49Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes
A foreign language is like a frail, delicate muscle. If you do not use it, it weakens.
Jhumpa Lahiri

IELTS essay Your government has announced that it wishes to build a military base near your community. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this new influence on your community. Do you support or oppose the military base? Explain your position. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
405 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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