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some people believe that the best way of learning about life is by listening to the advice of family and friends. other people believe that the best way of learning about life is through personal experiences. compare the advantages of these two different v.1

some people believe that the best way of learning about life is by listening to the advice of family and friends. other people believe that the best way of learning about life is through personal experiences. compare the advantages of these two different v. 1
Performance enhancing drugs are really a matter of serious concern in today`s sports world. There are many reasons, due to which the sportsmen take illegal supplements. These supplements are detrimental for human health. They are taken by many persons in numerous ways just to boost their confidence and to attain name and fame. Firstly, everyone wants to be in top position, so they use a plethora of techniques and achieve success by taking illegal medicines and by practicing very little in a particular event. Athletes, nowadays, use shortcuts to achieve triumph rather than doing hard-work. Furthermore, for unfair advantages, like for ultra-endurance training, people take the aid of tablets, which facilitate them with unrealistic goals. For instance, some weight lifters take supplements like protein powder, just to make their body well-built quickly. However, these performance enhancing drugs affect the health of every person in the worst ways like they may end up with breaking of the tendon or their bodies may crash, after powerful and vigorous exercise. Some supplements are steroids, they can cause weight gain and can be harmful for the heart and liver as well. These drugs decline the significance of performance based skills and sports because the person who is on supplements can achieve big aims unlike by a person who does not take any such things and have average body. To conclude, the medicines, which improves performance in athletics, decrease the energy efficiency of the body. In addition, they give temporary success and happiness. So to have permanent contentment and victory, one must not take undue advantage of these drugs and should aim at realistic goals.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Performance
enhancing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
are
really
a matter of serious concern in
The character between 'today' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "today’s" (curly apostrophe) or "today's" (straight apostrophe).
today`s
sports world. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons, due to which the sportsmen take illegal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
supplements
. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
supplements
are detrimental for human health. They
are taken
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
in numerous ways
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to boost their confidence and to attain name and fame.

Firstly
, everyone wants to be in top position,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
a plethora of techniques and achieve success by taking illegal medicines and by practicing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
in a particular
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
. Athletes, nowadays,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
shortcuts to achieve triumph
rather
than doing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-work.
Furthermore
, for unfair advantages, like for ultra-endurance training,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
take the aid of tablets, which facilitate them with unrealistic goals.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
weight lifters take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
supplements
like protein powder,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their body well-built
quickly
.

However
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performance
enhancing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
affect the health of every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
in the worst ways like they may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up with breaking of the tendon or their bodies may crash, after powerful and vigorous exercise.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
supplements
are steroids, they can cause weight gain and can be harmful for the heart and liver
as well
. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
decline the significance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performance
based
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and sports
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
who is on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
supplements
can achieve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
aims unlike by a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
who does not take any such things and have average body.

To conclude
, the medicines, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performance
in athletics, decrease the energy efficiency of the body.
In addition
, they give temporary success and happiness.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
to have permanent contentment and victory, one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not take undue advantage of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
and should aim at realistic goals.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Learn a language, and you’ll avoid a war.
Arab Proverb

IELTS essay some people believe that the best way of learning about life is by listening to the advice of family and friends. other people believe that the best way of learning about life is through personal experiences. compare the advantages of these two different v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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