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Which is a better way of learning about life: personal experience or listening to the advice of family and friends. Compare the advantages of these two different ways of learning about life. v.1

Which is a better way of learning about life: personal experience or listening to the advice of family and friends. Compare the advantages of these two different ways of learning about life. v. 1
In our society, advertisements are ubiquitous and people sometimes get trapped by their marketing strategies. However, although some people believe that advertising can influence on people's decision making, I side with those who feel that there is little impact on people's motivation to buy products. On the one hand, it can be argued that advertisements are usually visually attractive to get consumers' attraction. In fact, a lot of artistic work is done for them by professional graphic artists. For example, fast food industry often provides very quality advertisement that makes them better than they actually look like. Furthermore, advertisements are to show seasonal trends, so that people who are keen to follow those trends can be informed the current trends. However, despite the benefits of advertising, I side with those who believe that people get less interest from advertisement. People in our sophisticated society, in my opinion, are way smarter than ever before and they are no longer easy to be lured by the industries. Since most customers expect that advertisements are exaggerated, they are more likely to be cautious what to believe and to buy. Additionally, I personally believe that cost-effective goods are more chance to be purchased than the goods which were on advertisements. Price, in my view, is what matters for buyers after all. Finally, the strongest argue is that people's personal opinion on the products. Individuals are most likely to trust their friends or relatives' personal opinions comparing to advertise. In short, although advertising often shows the trends to customers and they are usually well designed and attract people, consumers are now wiser when they try to buy something than before and they also tend to believe what other people said, not the information on advertisements. Therefore, on balance, I strongly believe that advertising has no impact for the people's decision making process.
In our society,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
are ubiquitous and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
trapped by their marketing strategies.
However
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that advertising can influence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people's
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
, I side with those who feel that there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people's
motivation to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
products.

On the one hand, it can
be argued
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
are
usually
visually
attractive to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
consumers' attraction. In fact,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
artistic work
is done
for them by professional graphic artists.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food industry
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
provides
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them better than they actually look like.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
are to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
seasonal trends,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are keen to follow those trends can
be informed
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
trends.

However
, despite the benefits of advertising, I side with those who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
less interest from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
in our sophisticated society, in my opinion, are way smarter than ever
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
before and
they are no longer easy to
be lured
by the industries. Since most customers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
are exaggerated
, they are more likely to be cautious what to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
.
Additionally
, I
personally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that cost-effective
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
are more chance to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
than the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
which were on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
. Price, in my view, is what matters for buyers
after all
.
Finally
, the strongest argue is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people's
personal opinion on the products. Individuals are most likely to trust their friends or relatives' personal opinions comparing to advertise.

In short, although advertising
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the trends to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
customers and
they are
usually
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well designed
and attract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, consumers are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
wiser when they try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
something than
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
before and
they
also
tend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
what other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
said, not the information on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
.
Therefore
, on balance, I
strongly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that advertising has no impact for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people's
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
process.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay Which is a better way of learning about life: personal experience or listening to the advice of family and friends. Compare the advantages of these two different ways of learning about life. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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