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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement Parents or other adult relatives should make important decisions for their older 15 to 18 year old teenage children Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion v.1

Parents or other adult relatives should make important decisions for their older 15 to 18 year old teenage children Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion v. 1
There are lots of poor countries all around the world who need help in order to solve the poverty. However, financial aid seems to be not so useful. I totally agree with the statement that developed country should find another way to support them. First of all, I believe that money just can’t resolve any problem. Even though it seems very generous to give financial help to pored countries, it is not. Actually, these money should be given back until a certain period of time. All of this makes the progress harder and slower. For example, one of the European countries - Greece, has been in a long crisis because of the money it owes. Secondly, effective methods have a great impact on solving economical problems. In other words, countries should create a plan involving practical ways of removing the poverty without so huge amount of money. In that way, they would be able to do it in the best possible way. Thus, the developed countries have unique methods by which they have succeeded so I think that is the thing they should show to the poorer country. To conclude, even developed countries had their problems at some point. They shouldn’t just give financial help - what they should do is to reveal their secrets for achieving success. Only in that way many countries would stop struggling with the poverty. Because our target is to help them, not to give them more and more loans which they would have to pay.
There are lots of poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
all around the world who need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
in order to solve the poverty.
However
, financial aid seems to be not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
useful. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement that developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
should find another way to support them.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
can’t resolve any problem.
Even though
it seems
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
generous to give financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to pored
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, it is not. Actually, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
back until a certain period of time. All of this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the progress harder and slower.
For example
, one of the European
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
Greece, has been in a long crisis
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
it owes.

Secondly
, effective methods have a great impact on solving
Did you mean "economic" (=connected with economy)?
economical
problems.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should create a plan involving practical ways of removing the poverty without
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
huge amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. In that way, they would be able to do it in the best possible way.
Thus
, the developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have unique methods by which they have succeeded
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that is
the thing they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
to the poorer country.

To conclude
, even developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
had their problems at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
point. They shouldn’t
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
give financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
what they should do is to reveal their secrets for achieving success.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
in that way
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
struggling with the poverty.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
our target is to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them, not to give them more and more loans which they would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS essay Parents or other adult relatives should make important decisions for their older 15 to 18 year old teenage children Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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