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which group do you think contribute more value to society "artist or scientist? " Compare the contribution of each group. Use specific examples and reasons to explain your answer. v.1

which group do you think contribute more value to society "artist or scientist? " Compare the contribution of each group. Use specific examples and reasons to explain your answer. v. 1
Some people believe artists contribute more towards society while others think scientists contribute more. Well, in my opinion, scientists should definitely win this debate because of various reasons. This essay will discuss about these reasons and about the contributions of artists. Artists are god gifted people with some amazing talents like singing, painting, drawing, dancing etc. Many people take inspirations from these artists which helps them to tackle day to day problems in their lives. Moreover, artists have a different way of looking at everything and the way they portray it in their art leaves us mesmerized and entertained. Nowadays, artists are very famous around the globe and they are highly appreciated for inspiring and entertaining us. On the other hand, scientists are the ones who have done a lot of learning, hard work to gain the knowledge of their profession. They are the most curious people and their curiosities leads to some amazing discoveries which can be very important for humankind. Their tremendous contribution is helping us a lot in all areas of society like medicines, technology, education etc. Comparing both the sides, I believe scientists offer much more to society than artists. While artists can be important, but scientists are necessary for us. Their continuous efforts like taking us to Mars or Moon, discovering medicines for many dangerous diseases such as Cancer is beyond comparison. Artistic pieces like Monalisa, Taj Mahal, opera are very famous, but the innovations like computers, mobiles, hospital tools are must for everyone. In conclusion, both groups offer a lot to mankind. However, the gifts we receive from scientists are much more vital for us.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
contribute more towards society while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
contribute more. Well, in my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
should definitely win this debate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of various reasons. This essay will
Did you mean simply "discuss these"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about these
reasons and about the contributions of artists.

Artists are god gifted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
amazing talents like singing, painting, drawing, dancing etc.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
take inspirations from these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to tackle day to day problems in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
way of looking at everything and the way they portray it in their art
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
us mesmerized and entertained. Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
around the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
globe and
they are
highly
appreciated for inspiring and entertaining us.

On the other hand
,
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scientists
are the ones who have done
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
learning,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work to gain the knowledge of their profession. They are the most curious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and their curiosities leads to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
amazing discoveries which can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for humankind. Their tremendous contribution is helping us a lot in all areas of society like medicines, technology, education etc.

Comparing both the sides, I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
offer much more to society than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
. While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
are necessary for us. Their continuous efforts like taking us to Mars or Moon, discovering medicines for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
diseases such as Cancer is beyond comparison. Artistic pieces like
Possible spelling mistake found.
Monalisa
, Taj Mahal, opera are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the innovations like computers, mobiles, hospital tools are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
for everyone.

In conclusion
, both groups offer a lot to mankind.
However
, the gifts we receive from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
are much more vital for us.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay which group do you think contribute more value to society "artist or scientist? " Compare the contribution of each group. Use specific examples and reasons to explain your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
271 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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