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Scientist and technology experts seem to be more valued by modern society than musicians and artist. To what extent do you agree. v.1

Scientist and technology experts seem to be more valued by modern society than musicians and artist. v. 1
According to a recent survey by Time magazine, 60 percent of people said the contribution of scientists and technology experts are more essential compared to musicians and artists. I am convinced that men of science are definitely more valuable in our society than artists, for we live in the era when various technological inventions and scientific developments have noticeably enhanced our lives, and only technologists and scientific researchers can make sure that the future generations will have a better lifestyle than the current. In the first place, I am certain that scientific researchers are more beneficial than artists because we live in a world where scientists have significantly improved our lives. In other words, nowadays we are totally dependent on technological inventions and scientific discoveries that bring comfort to our life. Simply put, because of their work and achievements, we have various vehicles for quickly overcoming long distances, different devices, like phone or computer that simplify all we do. Also, due to scientists, we have medicines that improve our health and make our lives longer. It's hard to imagine our life without these devices, and if no scientists, we would not have such opportunities and therefore people really appreciate scientists and technology masters. In the second place, people also understand that they can improve their lifestyle and make sure that the future generation will have better living conditions only through the development of science and technology. To explain, due to scientists, we are able to achieve longevity or discover new forms of energy. For example, scientists are trying to invent new kinds of transport with lower environmental damage and manufacturing costs or medicines for fatal diseases. Meanwhile, all huge machines that we use now in our daily life, or devices that we will use in the future have a scientist's effort behind. All in all, people realize that scientists come up with new ideas to improve our quality of life and aid society in overcoming the obstacles and therefore they consider that scientists are more valuable than artists. So from the above discussion, my conscientious allows me to favor a scientist than an artist with regards to their contributions to our society. Both these as mentioned earlier are vital for us. An artist acts as a source of inspiration and information, whereas a scientist works as a source of innovations and inventions.
According to a recent survey by Time magazine, 60 percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
said the contribution of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
and technology experts are more essential compared to musicians and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
. I
am convinced
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
of science are definitely more valuable in our society than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
, for we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in the era when various technological inventions and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientific
developments have
noticeably
enhanced our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
technologists and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientific
researchers can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that the future generations will have a better lifestyle than the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
.

In the
first
place, I am certain that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientific
researchers are more beneficial than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in a world where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
have
significantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
.
In other words
, nowadays we are
totally
dependent on technological inventions and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientific
discoveries that bring comfort to our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Simply
put,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their work and achievements, we have various vehicles for
quickly
overcoming long distances,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
devices, like phone or computer that simplify all we do.
Also
, due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
, we have medicines that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our health and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
longer. It's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to imagine our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
without these devices, and if no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
, we would not have such opportunities and
therefore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
really
appreciate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
and technology masters.

In the second place,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
also
understand that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their lifestyle and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that the future generation will have better living conditions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
through the development of science and technology. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
, due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
, we are able to achieve longevity or discover new forms of energy.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
are trying to invent new kinds of transport with lower environmental damage and manufacturing costs or medicines for fatal diseases. Meanwhile, all huge machines that we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
in our daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, or devices that we will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in the future have a scientist's effort behind. All in all,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
realize that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and aid society in overcoming the obstacles and
therefore
they consider that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
are more valuable than artists.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
from the above discussion, my conscientious
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
me to favor a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientist
than an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artist
Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
with regards to
their contributions to our society. Both these as mentioned earlier are vital for us. An
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artist
acts as a source of inspiration and information, whereas a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientist
works as a source of innovations and inventions.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Scientist and technology experts seem to be more valued by modern society than musicians and artist. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
392 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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