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Scientist and technology experts seem to be more valued by modern society than musicians and artist. To what extent do you agree. v.2

Scientist and technology experts seem to be more valued by modern society than musicians and artist. v. 2
Science and technology are the two primary strong support of modern society while experts are thought to be more respected by people nowadays. People from a science background is highly appreciated because of the invention of new things and provides a long-term solution. For example, Invent new machinery in the industry for transport the source have considerably reduced the amount of time to export and import from one place to another place. In other words, inventing new things have changed the lives of people with all modern comfort facilities. Also, the scientific team is continuously working on giving new dimensions to medical science, experiment and investigate developing medicines and increasing the lifespan of humans. Every year, several inventions took place to analyse the data from scientific research. Science and technology play an essential role in our lives. For example, Charles Babbage invents the computer that reduces human resources and increases the efficiency of work. In other words, It gives more amenities such as a printer, fax, transport facility and it reduces workforce and does better work with creativity. Thus, it is beneficial for people to increase productivity and invent new machines. Hence, It is generally agreed that without technology, people live made tough in society. In conclusion, while the modern era made better human life are significant. Thus, I believe that the invention has played an equal role in peoples lives. It is hoped that contemporary society appreciates of every automation, boosting them to research new ideas.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Science
and technology are the two primary strong support of modern society while experts are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
to be more respected by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
from a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
background is
highly
appreciated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the invention of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
things and provides a long-term solution.
For example
, Invent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
machinery in the industry for transport the source have
considerably
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
the amount of time to export and import from one place to another place.
In other words
, inventing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
things have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with all modern comfort facilities.
Also
, the scientific team is
continuously
working on giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
dimensions to medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
, experiment and investigate developing medicines and increasing the lifespan of humans.

Every year, several inventions took place to
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
the data from scientific research.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Science
and technology play an essential role in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
.
For example
, Charles Babbage invents the computer that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
human resources and increases the efficiency of work.
In other words
, It gives more amenities such as a printer, fax, transport facility and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
workforce and does better work with creativity.
Thus
, it is beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to increase productivity and invent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
machines.
Hence
, It is
generally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
that without technology,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
made tough in society.

In conclusion
, while the modern era made better human life are significant.
Thus
, I believe that the invention has played an equal role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
. It
is hoped
that contemporary society appreciates of every automation, boosting them to research
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Scientist and technology experts seem to be more valued by modern society than musicians and artist. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
247 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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