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Scientist and technology experts seem to be more valued by modern society than musicians and artist. To what extent do you agree. v.3

Scientist and technology experts seem to be more valued by modern society than musicians and artist. v. 3
Scientist and technology specialist is more significant by modern society when compared to musicians and artists. The essay will discuss why scientist and innovators are more valued than artists and musician's field. On the one hand, a scientist played a crucial role in human lives and made every year, innovations with long-term solutions to our community. For instance, Karl Benz is an engineer and invented the car which runs with petrol or electricity. In other words, the technology not only improves human lives but also save the planet from toxic smoke that comes from regular vehicles. Another aspect is a scientist is highly appreciated as spends hours to improve human beings through technology. Thus, these people are more considered by other sectors. On the other hand, artist and musicians showing their talent in front of people such as music, painting. However, they are also teaching them thoughts, knowledge, expertise in various sectors because of multiple reasons such as, attract an audience, demonstrating the ability to people. For Example, Justin Bieber is widely known around the world for his fantastic music. Therefore, they earned millions of dollars throughout his career. Thus, artists and musicians are not more valued when compared to scientist and technology field persons. In conclusion, scientist and technology specialist are considered more appreciated by their ability, talent, knowledge when compared to the artist. I completely agree with this; technology improves peoples lives and made a more comfortable lifestyle. It can be adjusted in favour of several benefits such as less smoke in the air from regular vehicles.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Scientist
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
specialist is more significant by modern society when compared to musicians and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
. The essay will discuss why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientist
and innovators are more valued than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
and musician's field.

On the one hand, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientist
played a crucial role in human
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and made every year, innovations with long-term solutions to our community.
For instance
, Karl Benz is an engineer and invented the car which runs with petrol or electricity.
In other words
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
human
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
save the planet from toxic smoke that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from regular vehicles. Another aspect is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientist
is
highly
appreciated as spends hours to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
human beings through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
.
Thus
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more considered by other sectors.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artist
and musicians showing their talent in front of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
such as music, painting.
However
, they are
also
teaching them thoughts, knowledge, expertise in various sectors
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of multiple reasons such as, attract an audience, demonstrating the ability to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For Example
, Justin Bieber is
widely
known around the world for his fantastic music.
Therefore
, they earned millions of dollars throughout his career.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
and musicians are not more valued when compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientist
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
field persons.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientist
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
specialist
are considered
more appreciated by their ability, talent, knowledge when compared to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artist
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and made a more comfortable lifestyle. It can
be adjusted
in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of several benefits such as less smoke in the air from regular vehicles.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Scientist and technology experts seem to be more valued by modern society than musicians and artist. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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