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Which city in the world would you like to visit? Use specific reasons and details to support your opinion. v.3

Which city in the world would you like to visit? Use specific reasons and details to support your opinion. v. 3
While universities allocate more financial resources to their libraries than students' sports activities, there is pressure on tertiary institutions to give equal allocation to libraries and sport activities. I am strongly against equal disbursement to both libraries and sport activities. The sole aim why universities were established was to improve academic works through research. It is also known that it is expensive to set up libraries, therefore the need for libraries to take up a major part of the universities' budget. Initially the main reason why we have university education is to enable many researchers and students progress in their knowledge quest in order to achieve breakthroughs which would affect the world positively. To do this successfully, it is necessary to invest in what can bring knowledge. Such knowledge can mostly be found in book, journals, articles and publications. On the other hand, sport activities at the University level is mostly classified as extra moral programs. Students are first admitted into the University on academic basis rather than sports. Most sports students partake in exercises during their leisure time and many of them see it as a means to keep fit and remain healthy so as to give their education their best. Why will the universities disburse the same sum of money to its' main goal and to sports which is a leisure activity. Looking at the cost needed to set up and maintain a functional and an up-to-date library, we know beyond reasonable doubt that the library needs more resources than sport activities. Many of the materials the library structure houses goes obsolete more frequently than a sporting equipment would go. Therefore the libraries would definitely have more recurrent expenditures unlike sporting machines that can be used for a long time without replacement or repair. As an example, a journal about a research topic is published in many volumes, for the libraries to stock up complete knowledge about this topic, she needs to purchase all these volumes as they are published. Whereas a basketball court can serve the University for a decade. In conclusion, while sports activities can generate funds for the universities through intra and inter school competition, I suggest that more funds be given to the realization of the universities' major responsibility: research work, rather than sporting activities.
While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
allocate more financial resources to their libraries than students'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, there is pressure on tertiary institutions to give equal allocation to libraries and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. I am
strongly
against equal disbursement to both libraries and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. The sole aim why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
were established
was to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
academic works through research. It is
also
known that it is expensive to set up libraries,
therefore
the need for libraries to take up a major part of the universities' budget.

Initially
the main reason why we have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
education is to enable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
researchers and students progress in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
quest in order to achieve breakthroughs which would affect the world
positively
. To do this
successfully
, it is necessary to invest in what can bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
. Such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
can
mostly
be found
in book, journals, articles and publications.
On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
level is
mostly
classified as extra moral programs. Students are
first
admitted into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
on academic basis
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
students partake in exercises during their leisure time and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
it as a means to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
fit and remain healthy
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
give their education their best. Why will the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
disburse the same sum of money to
An apostrophe is never used to form possessive case pronouns. Did you mean: "its"?
its'
main goal and to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
which is a leisure activity.

Looking at the cost needed to set up and maintain a functional and an up-to-date library, we know beyond reasonable doubt that the library needs more resources than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
of the materials the library structure
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
goes obsolete more
frequently
than a sporting equipment would go.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
the libraries would definitely have more recurrent expenditures unlike sporting machines that can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for a long time without replacement or repair. As an example, a journal about a research topic
is published
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
volumes, for the libraries to stock up complete
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
about this topic, she needs to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
all these volumes as they
are published
. Whereas a basketball court can serve the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
for a decade.

In conclusion
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
can generate funds for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
through
Possible spelling mistake found.
intra
and inter school competition, I suggest that more funds be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to the realization of the universities' major responsibility: research work,
rather
than sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Which city in the world would you like to visit? Use specific reasons and details to support your opinion. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
381 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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