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Talk about a place that you would like to visit. Please say- What activities would you do there? - How long would you stay there? - What is the best time to visit this place? - What do you particularly like about this place? v.1

Talk about a place that you would like to visit. Please say- What activities would you do there? - How long would you stay there? - What is the best time to visit this place? - What do you particularly like about this place? v. 1
The ethic is the most important to human society, and educating children to learn the ethic, when they are young is essential and necessary for their life. Someone believes that a punishment will help the children to distinguish between right and wrong; others tend to express the idea that teaching children better without punishing. Personally, I agree more with the front of the idea. Although, some researches show the few ways to educate children without punishing, I prefer that the punishment should give into the right way, which it will improve children to understand the black and white. According to the report from UQ, the direct physical attachment leads to children’s violence and bully, but the treatment, which engaging the kid back to standard, is success of education. For example, let children doing social service is a better treatment, which offers a job to help people and to comprehend the problem in the society. Let children learn to control behaviour is the main reason in the punishment. For parents and educators, they should be encouraged to use some, not physical, attachment, such as reducing game time, limit social activity and cutting off the pocket money for children. Those expresses that the control behaviour of life is important. Moreover, these punishments not only punish the children’s bad behaviour, but also give them practicing self-control. In conclusion, physical punishing should be banned, but some punishments should be allowed to use in education, which I believe that it will incubate the good attitude in children.
The ethic is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to human society, and educating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to learn the ethic, when they are young is essential and necessary for their life. Someone believes that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to distinguish between right and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
; others tend to express the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
better without punishing.
Personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
more with the front of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.

Although,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
researches
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the few ways to educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
without punishing, I prefer that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
should give into the right way, which it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to understand the black and white. According to the report from
Possible spelling mistake found.
UQ
, the direct physical attachment leads to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
violence and bully,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the treatment, which engaging the kid back to standard, is success of education.
For example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
doing social service is a better treatment, which offers a job to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and to comprehend the problem in the society.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
learn to control
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
is the main reason in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
. For parents and educators, they should
be encouraged
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
, not physical, attachment, such as reducing game time, limit social activity and cutting off the pocket money for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Those expresses that the control
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of life is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
Moreover
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
punish the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
give them practicing self-control.

In conclusion
, physical punishing should
be banned
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in education, which I believe that it will incubate the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
attitude in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Talk about a place that you would like to visit. Please say- What activities would you do there? - How long would you stay there? - What is the best time to visit this place? - What do you particularly like about this place? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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