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Which city in the world would you like to visit? Use specific reasons and details to explain your choice. v.1

Which city in the world would you like to visit? Use specific reasons and details to explain your choice. v. 1
It has been commonly debated that over the few decades in a number of parts of the world large number of couples decide to have their own babies after spending a few years since their marriage. As far as I am concerned, this tendency brings about more advantages than disadvantages ones. On the negative sides, the major downside of this is that men and women are having babies later in their life, as a result of which their children are at an early age when their parents retire. As a result, they cannot help their families and their parents because that time they can be students, so these families might confront with healthy and economical issues. In addition, today’s world a vast majority of people prefer their works, so they do not think about their married life. However, this trend might cause shortage of a number of workers, as a result of which in these countries economic situation can get weak. Despite the evident drawbacks, I still believe becoming parents at the later age has more benefits for people and these countries. The main advantage of this is that there are a large number of couples who marry when they study at universities. Consequently, they become parents at the early age, so they cannot concentrate their studies competently. This is one of the biggest reasons of weakening of educational level. For instance, in some African country boys and girls are married between 13-15 years old. As a result, in these countries levels of education are lower than that of other ones. Moreover, when people marry later, they can allocate almost all their time for their jobs. In the future, these people can get good opportunity because of their jobs. By way of conclusion, I believe that the merits of having babies at the later age are more of significance when compared to demerits. I recommend that people should find out their lifestyle because career and married life are vital for every person.
It has been
commonly
debated that over the few decades in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of parts of the world large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of couples decide to have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
babies after spending a few years since their marriage. As far as I
am concerned
, this tendency brings about more advantages than disadvantages ones.

On the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
sides, the major downside of this is that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women are having babies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
later
in their life, as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
of which their children are at an early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
when their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
retire. As a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
, they cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their families and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
that time they can be students,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
these families might confront with healthy and
Did you mean "economic" (=connected with economy)?
economical
issues.
In addition
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world a vast majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer their works,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about their married life.
However
, this trend might cause shortage of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of workers, as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
of which in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
economic situation can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
weak.

Despite the evident drawbacks, I
still
believe becoming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
later
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
has more benefits for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. The main advantage of this is that there are a large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of couples who marry when they study at universities.
Consequently
, they become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
at the early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they cannot concentrate their studies
competently
. This is one of the biggest reasons of weakening of educational level.
For instance
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
African
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
boys and girls
are married
between 13-15 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
. As a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
, in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
levels of education are lower than that of other ones.
Moreover
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
marry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
later
, they can allocate almost all their time for their jobs. In the future, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
opportunity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their jobs.

By way of conclusion, I believe that the merits of having babies at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
later
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
are more of significance when compared to demerits. I recommend that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should find out their lifestyle
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
career and married life are vital for every person.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
A man who knows two languages is worth two men.
French Proverb

IELTS essay Which city in the world would you like to visit? Use specific reasons and details to explain your choice. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
332 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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