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Despite health warnings, a large number of people continue to smoke all over the world. Why should we be concerned about this? What solutions would you suggest? Use specific reasons and examples in your opinion. v.1

Despite health warnings, a large number of people continue to smoke all over the world. Why should we be concerned about this? What solutions would you suggest? Use specific reasons and examples in your opinion. v. 1
People have indeed taken the incredible assets that are being given by the mother nature for granted. There could be various reasons why they have become less sensitive to the natural environment. However, we can use several methods to highlight the significance of the natural world. In my view, perhaps the most important reason that people do not take an interest in the natural world is that nowadays, a large proportion of society has become materialistic than ever before. They take an interest in only those activities that provide profit to them. For example, they excessively cut trees and damage the forests, or they do over fishing and affects marine life, or polluting the rivers and air by producing more toxic gasses from their cars and factories. These actions show how insensitive people are about their actions and the severity of the consequences. Secondly, people take less interest in the protection of the environment because they are not completely aware of the seriousness of the issue. Probably, due to their daily routine and a tough schedule, they do not find enough time to educate themselves about the growing environmental problems. However, there are various ways we can teach people about the importance of the natural world. The first step that can be taken for both private and government level is to run an effective awareness campaign about the degeneration of eco-system. In this regards, advertising can have a huge impact on society. In addition to this, the government can dedicate a day in a year to signify the severity of the issue. Moreover, governments can take a step further by imposing various taxes or fines on individuals and companies who are producing pollution or have been found guilty of damaging the environment. In conclusion, natural capital that we have received from nature is a real blessing for us. To make people more responsible for their actions, educating them is very important. I believe the solutions that we have given in this essay would help spread awareness in people about the issue.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have
indeed
taken the incredible assets that are being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by the mother nature for granted. There could be various reasons why they have become less sensitive to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
environment.
However
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
several methods to highlight the significance of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
world.

In my view, perhaps the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reason that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not take an interest in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
world is that nowadays, a large proportion of society has become
Use "(materialistic)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
materialistic
than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. They take an interest in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
those activities that provide profit to them.
For example
, they
excessively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
trees and damage the forests, or they do over fishing and affects marine life, or polluting the rivers and air by producing more toxic gasses from their cars and factories. These actions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
how insensitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are about their actions and the severity of the consequences.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
take less interest in the protection of the environment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are not completely aware of the seriousness of the issue.
Probably
, due to their daily routine and a tough schedule, they do not find
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to educate themselves about the growing environmental problems.

However
, there are various ways we can teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about the importance of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
world. The
first
step that can
be taken
for both private and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
level is to run an effective awareness campaign about the degeneration of
Possible spelling mistake found.
eco-system
. In
Did you mean "these"?
this
regards, advertising can have a huge impact on society.
In addition
to this, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can dedicate a day in a year to signify the severity of the issue.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
can take a step
further
by imposing various taxes or fines on individuals and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
who are producing pollution or have
been found
guilty of damaging the environment.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
capital that we have received from nature is a real blessing for us. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more responsible for their actions, educating them is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. I believe the solutions that we have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
in this essay would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
spread awareness in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about the issue.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Despite health warnings, a large number of people continue to smoke all over the world. Why should we be concerned about this? What solutions would you suggest? Use specific reasons and examples in your opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
341 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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