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Whether or not someone achievestheir aimsis mostly by a question of luck. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Whether or not someone achievestheir aimsis mostly by a question of luck. v. 2
The debate whether luck is the primary determinant of success in achieving targets has been heated constantly. My position is that hard work and determination are far more important than luck, while luck must not be considered as the main precursor of the attainment of one’s goals. I advocate the notion that the role of being industrious and determined is more significant than luck. Thomas Edison, one of the greatest inventors in the 20th century, is an excellent example of such a notion. He conducted numerous experiments with the filament until the finest light bulb was produced; and his hard work, rather than luck, was acknowledged by all the human race. Another clear evidence of this notion is the case of Nguyen Ngoc Ky. This disabled man could not write by hand, but he was determined enough to teach himself to write by foot. The fact that he would then became one of the greatest teachers in the history of education in Vietnam provides a concrete foundation that even with bad luck, determination could result in goal achievement. By contrast, I believe the saying that fortune has a major part to play is just a fallacy. One clear reason is that although there may have been a number of people reaching their goals with good luck, such good luck in most cases only comes to people who have worked hard. Take Mendeleev as an example. As a research chemist, he worked tirelessly for a few decades, until one day in his dream, the complete arrangement of the elements appeared. The appearance of this arrangement could be ascribed to luck, but no one could deny the extreme effort that Mendeleev had exerted. Another clear reason for my belief is that luck could only lead people to short-term achievements, and there is nothing to ascertain that it would continue to exist in the long run. The over-reliance on good fortune, as a result, would prevent people from achieving their long-term or life-long aims. In brief, I think the importance of luck in determining goal attainment is overstated, while there are much more significant factors to consider, namely hard work and determination.
The debate whether luck is the primary determinant of success in achieving targets has
been heated
constantly
. My position is that
hard
work and determination are far more
important
than luck, while luck
must
not
be considered
as the main precursor of the attainment of one’s goals.

I advocate the notion that the role of being industrious and determined is more significant than luck. Thomas Edison, one of the greatest inventors in the 20th century, is an excellent example of such a notion. He conducted numerous experiments with the filament until the finest light bulb
was produced
; and his
hard
work,
rather
than luck,
was acknowledged
by all the human race. Another
clear
evidence of this notion is the case of Nguyen
Ngoc
Ky. This disabled
man
could not write by hand,
but
he
was determined
enough
to teach himself to write by foot. The fact that he would then became one of the greatest teachers in the history of education in Vietnam provides a concrete foundation that even with
bad
luck, determination could result in goal achievement.

By contrast, I believe the saying that fortune has a major part to play is
just
a fallacy. One
clear
reason is that although there may have been a number of
people
reaching their goals with
good
luck, such
good
luck
in most cases
only
comes
to
people
who have worked
hard
. Take Mendeleev as an example. As a research chemist, he worked
tirelessly
for a few decades, until one day in his dream, the complete arrangement of the elements appeared. The appearance of this arrangement could
be ascribed
to luck,
but
no one could deny the extreme effort that Mendeleev had exerted. Another
clear
reason for my belief is that luck could
only
lead
people
to short-term achievements, and there is nothing to ascertain that it would continue to exist in the long run. The over-reliance on
good
fortune,
as a result
, would
prevent
people
from achieving their long-term or life-long aims.

In brief
, I
think
the importance of luck in determining goal attainment
is overstated
, while there are much more significant factors to consider,
namely
hard
work and determination.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Whether or not someone achievestheir aimsis mostly by a question of luck. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
359 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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