Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Wherther or not someone achieves their aims is mostly by a question of luck. To what extend do you agree or disagree? v.1

Wherther or not someone achieves their aims is mostly by a question of luck. v. 1
It is argued that people attain their success mostly by luck. While I accept luck have an important role in helping people reach their target. I would argue that hard–work and determination are much more crucial factors that contribute to achievement of individual. On one hand, I believe that people who work hard and determine will achieve their success. Hard–working people usually get their aims. For instance, Mark Elliot Zuckerberg spent thousand of hours to coding and experimenting to bring out the great chatting online whose name Facebook that we use today. Furthermore, determined people may get their target in whatever they do. Jack Ma is the good example for people who always determines. He never felt unhappy, even if he was rejected his enrollment application by Harvard University for 10 times or was denied a job position for many times by employees. Now he becomes a billionaire and runs a biggest E commerce company in the world. On the other hand, it is clear that luck is only a small factor that help people to gain success. People who hope to be lucky to reach their objectives always fail. For instance, if a student does not study for an exam he will get bad results. Moreover, luck contributes to short-term fortune. If someone wins the lottery it definitely means that they are lucky because winning a lottery does not require to do anything to earn it. Although, a person can win the lottery occationlly, he can not win a lottery for whole life. Therefore, people can not depend on luck to get their success. Conclusion, luck is the factor that brings success to people, but I believe that determination and hark-work are much more important than that.
It
is argued
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
attain their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
mostly
by luck.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
I accept luck have an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in helping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
reach their target. I would argue that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
–work and determination are much more crucial factors that contribute to achievement of individual.

On one hand, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and determine will achieve their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Hard
–working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their aims.
For instance
, Mark Elliot Zuckerberg spent
Use "a thousand" or use a number before 'thousand'.
thousand
of hours to coding and experimenting to bring out the great chatting online whose name Facebook that we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.
Furthermore
, determined
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their target in whatever they do. Jack Ma is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who always determines. He never felt unhappy, even if he
was rejected
his enrollment application by Harvard University for 10 times or
was denied
a job position for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times by employees.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
he becomes a billionaire and runs
Use "the" with the superlative.
a
biggest E commerce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
in the world.

On the other hand
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that luck is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
factor that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
who hope to be lucky to reach their objectives always fail.
For instance
, if a student does not study for an exam he will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
results.
Moreover
, luck contributes to short-term fortune. If someone wins the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lottery
it definitely means that they are lucky
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
winning a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lottery
does not require
Did you mean "doing"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'require' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to do
anything to earn it. Although, a person can win the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lottery
Possible spelling mistake found.
occationlly
, he can not win a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lottery
for whole life.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can not depend on luck to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their success.

Conclusion, luck is the factor that brings
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I believe that determination and hark-work are much more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than that.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Wherther or not someone achieves their aims is mostly by a question of luck. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts