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Do you believe that professional athlete make good role models for young people? Support your opinion with reasons and examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.2

Do you believe that professional athlete make good role models for young people? Support your opinion with reasons and examples from your own knowledge or experience. v. 2
People everywhere like watching sports. Many top athletes are admired throughout their countries, and some even have fans all around the world. These athletes are good role models for young people in many ways, although in some ways they can also be a bad example. Top athletes get the attention of young people. Most children and teenagers like to follow professional sports. Professional athletes become heroes to them, and children want to be like their heroes. This means they will want to play sports, which is good for their health. Playing sports also teaches important lessons such as teamwork and learning how to lose and win gracefully. Professional athletes also demonstrate the importance of working hard for your goals, of practicing regularly to become good at something. This is a good example for children to follow. However, professional athletes are not always good role models. For one thing, the most famous athletes get paid very high salaries, much higher than most normal people can expect to earn. They also get a lot of attention, not only when they play their sports, but in other parts of their lives as well. This can lead children to believe that money and fame are an important part of sports. Children might focus more on these aspects than on the fun of the game or on the challenge of learning how to play well. Then there are those athletes who behave badly. For example, some take drugs to improve their performance in their games. This kind of behavior sends the wrong message to following generation. Professional athletes can be very good role models for children, as long as they focus on the positive aspects of playing sports.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
everywhere like watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
top
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
are admired
throughout their countries, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
even have fans all around the world. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
role models for young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways, although in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ways they can
also
be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
example.

Top
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the attention of young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
like to follow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
become heroes to them, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
want to be like their heroes. This means they will want to play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, which is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
for their health. Playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
also
teaches
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
lessons such as teamwork and learning how to lose and win
gracefully
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
also
demonstrate the importance of working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for your goals, of practicing
regularly
to become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
at something. This is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
example for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to follow.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
are not always
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
role models. For one thing, the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
paid
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high salaries, much higher than most normal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
to earn. They
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
attention, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
when they play their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in other parts of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
as well
. This can lead
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to believe that money and fame are an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
might focus more on these aspects than on the fun of the game or on the challenge of learning how to play well. Then there are those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
who behave
badly
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
take drugs to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their performance in their games. This kind of behavior
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sends
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
message to following generation.

Professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
role models for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, as long as they focus on the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects of playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
36Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Do you believe that professional athlete make good role models for young people? Support your opinion with reasons and examples from your own knowledge or experience. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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