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Whether or not someone achievestheir aimsis mostly by a question of luck. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Whether or not someone achievestheir aimsis mostly by a question of luck. v. 1
In recent years, the younger generation prefers friends rather than family communication. This reason has impacted on by the development of technologies and spending time into families together. The technologies have an effect on inside of family relations due to convenience of communication tools. For instance, every person has a mobile phone in our society and the user age of this technological development is nearly 5 years old. Therefore, using phone decreasingly occurs face to face chat among friendships. Additionally, people forget how spending time with their friend on outdoors. This factor indirectly effect on family relations between child and parents. For providing family structure, the parents impose their children to spend more time together. The children and parents are not aware of this because of busy and rush lives. Thus, the main role is providing parents' rules at home. Although Parents gathering the family easily, some young adult does not prefer spending leisure time with their parent due to protecting the reputation among friendships. For instance, spending more time with family is the most important preferences between young culture and some children think that it is not cool. However, if the meeting was not allowed by parents, the unapproved culture would be eradicated. Moreover, the parents organize lavish activities for affection to their children In summary, for spending more time in families, the parents have an important role to manage children's activities. It is not important how they do this but, they can protect family structures with obeying the rules in together such as imposing organize activities and restrict using technologies.
In recent years, the younger generation prefers friends
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
communication. This reason has impacted on by the development of technologies and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
together.

The technologies have an effect on inside of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
relations due to convenience of communication tools.
For instance
, every person has a mobile phone in our society and the user age of this technological development is
nearly
5 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
.
Therefore
, using phone
decreasingly
occurs face to face chat among friendships.
Additionally
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
forget how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their friend on outdoors. This factor
indirectly
effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
relations between child and parents.

For providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
structure, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
impose their children to spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
together. The children and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are not aware of this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of busy and rush
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Thus
, the main role is providing parents'
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
at home. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
gathering the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
easily
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
young adult does not prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
due to protecting the reputation among friendships.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
preferences between young culture and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is not cool.
However
, if the meeting was not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, the unapproved culture would
be eradicated
.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
organize lavish activities for affection to their children

In summary, for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role to manage children's activities. It is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
how they do this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, they can protect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
structures with obeying the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
in together such as imposing organize activities and restrict using technologies.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Whether or not someone achievestheir aimsis mostly by a question of luck. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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