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In general, people are living longer now. How will this change affect society? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.6

In general, people are living longer now. How will this change affect society? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 6
Obviously, people’s average age has very important effects on society. The population growth and the concomitant demands by the people such as energy, education, food, safety, health care and more. In what follows, I explain my viewpoint about how this change affects the society by providing supporting details and examples. First, the population of the world increases as the people lives longer. Population growth has some good and some disappointing effects. For instance, everyone prefers that his or her parents and grandparents live longer. What’s more, long life is a sign of hope for human race. On the other hands, the more the population of the world, the more the problems and challenges people have to deal with. A good example for this is air pollution. As the Population increases, the number of cars and other transportation systems increases and this process leads to higher pollution of the air. Moreover, people will need superior transportation systems such as metro and trains. Likewise, more garbage will be produced when the population of the world increases. This issue, if not controlled, can cause severe problems, for example, rivers and oceans could be polluted and sea wild life may be jeopardized. Accordingly, the government needs to implement new mechanisms to control this problem such as recycling and reproduction of certain types of materials or enact laws to prevent dispersion of garbage and wastes in nature or rivers and oceans. Secondly, people demand more energy. Consequently, we need more power plants to produce more energy and this adds to the air pollution. Most of power plants burn oil and gas or similar materials to produce energy and this process results more air pollution and waste materials. Besides, people need more facilities such as education, job, safety, health care and more. Therefore, the government needs to consider and pass new legislation to answer new demands. If the government fails to satisfy the people’s needs, for instance education or safety, serious problems engenders in the society such as illiteracy or crimes. As we hear in the news, many people suffer from illiteracy around the world, principally in poor areas like Africa. Safety is another resultant problem of population growth. The more people live in a country, the more competitive the job opportunities are. Correspondingly, the number of crimes in the country increase, because there are always weak people who cannot afford an honest competition. They use illegal ways to get money, no matter what. Therefore, the government needs to control the safety and fight criminals. To sum up, longer lifetime and the concomitant increase of population will lead to many important effects on the society, which I plainly delineated in the body paragraphs. Two of the most important effects are new demands, such as energy, education and job, and pollution like green gasses, garbage and industry and power plant wastes.
Obviously
,
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people’s
average age has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
effects on
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society
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
growth and the concomitant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
demands
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
,
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education
, food,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
safety
, health care and more. In what follows, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
my viewpoint about how this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
affects the
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society
by providing supporting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
and examples.

First
, the
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population
of the
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world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increases
as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
lives
longer.
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Population
growth has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disappointing effects.
For instance
, everyone prefers that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
parents and grandparents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
longer. What’s more, long life is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
of hope for human race. On the other hands, the more the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, the more the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
and challenges
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people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
deal with. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example for this is
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air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
. As the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Population
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increases
, the number of cars and other transportation systems
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increases
and this process leads to higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
superior transportation systems such as metro and trains.
Likewise
, more garbage will
be produced
when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increases
. This issue, if not controlled, can cause severe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
,
for example
, rivers and oceans could
be polluted
and sea wild life may
be jeopardized
.
Accordingly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to implement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
mechanisms to control this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
such as recycling and reproduction of certain types of materials or enact laws to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
dispersion of garbage and wastes in nature or rivers and oceans.

Secondly
,
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people
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demand
more
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energy
.
Consequently
, we
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need
more power plants to produce more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
and this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
adds
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
.
Consider using "Most power" or "Most of the power".
Most of power
plants burn oil and gas or similar materials to produce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
and this process results more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
and waste materials.
Besides
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
more facilities such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, job,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
safety
, health care and more.
Therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to consider and pass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
legislation to answer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
demands
. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
fails to satisfy the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
,
for instance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
or
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safety
, serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
engenders in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
such as illiteracy or crimes. As we hear in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suffer from illiteracy around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
,
principally
in poor areas like Africa.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Safety
is another resultant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
growth. The more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a country, the more competitive the job opportunities are.
Correspondingly
, the number of crimes in the country
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are always weak
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who cannot afford an honest competition. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
illegal ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
money, no matter what.
Therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to control the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
safety
and fight criminals.

To sum up, longer lifetime and the concomitant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
will lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
effects on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, which I
plainly
delineated in the body paragraphs. Two of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
effects are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
demands
, such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and job, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
like green gasses, garbage and industry and power plant wastes.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
81Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay In general, people are living longer now. How will this change affect society? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
474 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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