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In general, people are living longer now. How will this change affect society? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.1

In general, people are living longer now. How will this change affect society? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1
Most women we see on television or in advertisements are portrayed as young and slim irrespective of their age or the nature of their work. This creates a mindset among the people that this is how an ideal woman should be like. In my opinion, this is not fair. The media should act more responsibly and portray women for their accomplishments rather than their body type. Although it is essential for women working as models and actresses to maintain a slim body structure, sometimes they tend to become competitive and career driven and end up developing health disorders like anorexia. It has also become common for teenagers aspiring to become an actress or a model to develop eating disorders in order to remain slim. Also, such careers have a short shelf life and mostly, after crossing the age of 30, opportunities of finding a job become very rare. This causes the women to go into depression and ultimately some of them commit suicide. One way to overcome this problem is to encourage the media to show realistic programs. For example movies should show moms as strong, independent and career oriented rather than slim and petite. In my opinion, we also require more television series focusing on powerful women who brought about a change in the society such as Indira Gandhi or Rani Laxmibai. This will help to eliminate the existing stereotypes of women. To conclude, media must create awareness among the public that it is not necessary for a woman to be young and thin in order to be perfect. What matters more is that the women should be educated and independent. This approach will also empower more women and bring about a change in the society.
Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
on television or in advertisements
are portrayed
as young and slim irrespective of their age or the nature of their work. This creates a mindset among the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that this is how an ideal woman should be like. In my opinion, this is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
. The media should act more
responsibly
and portray
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
for their accomplishments
rather
than their body type.

Although it is essential for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
working as models and actresses to maintain a slim body structure,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
they tend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
competitive and career driven and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up developing health disorders like anorexia. It has
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
common for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
aspiring to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
an actress or a model to develop eating disorders in order to remain slim.
Also
, such careers have a short shelf life and
mostly
, after crossing the age of 30, opportunities of finding a job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
rare. This causes the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
to go into depression and
ultimately
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them commit suicide.

One way to overcome this problem is to encourage the media to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
realistic programs.
For example
movies should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
moms as strong, independent and career oriented
rather
than slim and petite. In my opinion, we
also
require more television series focusing on powerful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
who brought about a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the society such as Indira Gandhi or
Possible spelling mistake found.
Rani
Possible spelling mistake found.
Laxmibai
. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to eliminate the existing stereotypes of women.

To conclude
, media
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
create awareness among the public that it is not necessary for a woman to be young and thin in order to be perfect. What matters more is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should
be educated
and independent. This approach will
also
empower more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
and bring about a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the society.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay In general, people are living longer now. How will this change affect society? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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