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Do you believe that professional athlete make good role models for young people? Support your opinion with reasons and examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.1

Do you believe that professional athlete make good role models for young people? Support your opinion with reasons and examples from your own knowledge or experience. v. 1
Every child fond of toys during his early childhood. These toys, play an important role in the growth of a child. Therefore, many parents buy penalty of this kind of stuff to for their kids. Playing with toys helps the ones for overall development, but spending large time with these leads to cut off from the society. Thus, it both have pros and cons to play with toys all times for the children. This essay will discuss both in details. On the one hand, toys make the learning effective in early childhood. Therefore, it is a crucial factor for the early mental growth of kid. Moreover, pupil easily captured the learning through these play articles. For instance, according to a recent survey, it has been seen that, child who taught through toys easily learnt the things as compared to those who taught using traditional methods of learning. Hence, the toys are the effective learning tool for the children. In addition to this, play with active toys help the infant to grow both physical and mental health. On the other hand, it has been seen that spending excessive time with toys made the pupils isolated from the socialisation. Therefore, they feel awkward to interact socially. For example, a infant who spends a lot of time with toys, have lack of communication with other community members. Therefore, one can feel hesitate to express themselves with others. To conclude, the toys play an important role in the development of children, but playing a lot of time with their toys are isolated from the society due to lack of communication. ,
Every child fond of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
during his early childhood. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in the growth of a child.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
penalty of this kind of stuff to for their kids. Playing with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the ones for
overall
development,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
spending large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with these leads to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
off from the society.
Thus
, it both have pros and cons to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
for the children. This essay will discuss both in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
effective in early childhood.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Therefore
, it is a crucial factor for the early mental growth of kid.
Moreover
, pupil
easily
captured the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
through these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
articles.
For instance
, according to a recent survey, it has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that, child who taught through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
easily
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
the things as compared to those who taught using traditional methods of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
.
Hence
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
are the effective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
tool for the children.
In addition
to this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
with active
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the infant to grow both physical and mental health.

On the other hand
, it has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that spending excessive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
made the pupils isolated from the
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialisation' is British English.
socialisation
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Therefore
, they feel awkward to interact
socially
.
For example
,
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
infant who spends
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
, have lack of communication with other community members.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Therefore
, one can feel hesitate to express themselves with others.

To conclude
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in the development of children,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
playing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
are isolated
from the society due to lack of communication.
Loose punctuation mark.
,
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Do you believe that professional athlete make good role models for young people? Support your opinion with reasons and examples from your own knowledge or experience. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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