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Governments spend millions of dollars each year on their space programmes Most recently Mars is the focus of scientists attention Some people think this money would be better spent on dealing with problems closer to home Do you agree or disagree v.2

Governments spend millions of dollars each year on their space programmes Most recently Mars is the focus of scientists attention Some people think this money would be better spent on dealing with problems closer to home v. 2
From my point view, the way that governments spend financial resources always explodes many controversies. Some people think millions of dollars each year spending on space programs would be used better to deal with problems in our planet. However, I cannot support this statement because of several reasons. If you concern about social situation, you absolutely know there are a large number of people who do not have enough food and water or die because of polluted, . . . . But I assert that the governments always try to reduce the consequences of those striking problems. And I think they cannot interrupt space programs to save money for another problems because its researches has many positive impacts on our life. Firstly, the research about space not only bring interesting information about other planets out of space, but also find out new scientific knowledge about the Earth. The satellites are able to measure the amount of groundwater, therefore scientists can see where the water is running out and give the warnings. Moreover, outer space systems can identify cosmic problems which would lead to serious consequences for our planet. For example, NASA discovered an ozone layer hole which was predicted to cause damage in 2060 - the end of the world. Soon after, they discussed with United Nations Organization about the solutions. So without space research, our home would definitely be in danger. Secondly, vast space industry is a vital impulse for the global financial affairs. A big project in this aspect can enhance the amount of taxes for the state budget and these financial resources can sustain educational or pension systems. Thirdly, I think it’s wonderful that scientists would find a new planet to move in in the future. Our Earth is getting overcrowded and face with many problems such as out of resources, polluted, waste accumulation underground, . . . Because of that, I think we need a new place to start a better life. In conclusion, despite the urgency of social issues, I think we shouldn’t discontinue space programs. I also believe that the governments have the effective plans to spend financial resources.
From my point view, the way that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
resources always explodes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
controversies.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
millions of dollars each year spending on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
programs would be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
better to deal with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planet
.
However
, I cannot support this statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of several reasons.

If you concern about social situation, you
absolutely
know there are
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
food and water or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of polluted
Did you just mean "," or "."?
, .
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I assert that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
always try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the consequences of those striking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. And I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
they cannot interrupt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
programs to save money for another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
its researches has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts on our life.

Firstly
, the research about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
bring interesting information about other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planets
out of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
find out new scientific knowledge about the Earth. The satellites are able to measure the amount of groundwater,
therefore
scientists can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
where the water is running out and give the warnings.
Moreover
, outer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
systems can identify cosmic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
which would lead to serious consequences for our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planet
.
For example
, NASA discovered an ozone layer hole which
was predicted
to cause damage in 2060
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Soon
after, they discussed with United Nations Organization about the solutions.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
research, our home would definitely be in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
.

Secondly
, vast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
industry is a vital impulse for the global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
affairs. A
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
project in this aspect can enhance the amount of taxes for the state budget and these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
resources can sustain educational or pension systems.

Thirdly
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
it’s wonderful that scientists would find a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planet
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
Possible typo: you repeated a word
in in
the future. Our Earth is getting overcrowded and face with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
such as out of resources, polluted, waste accumulation underground
Did you just mean "," or "."?
, .
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of that, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
we need a new place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a better life.

In conclusion
, despite the urgency of social issues, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
we shouldn’t discontinue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
programs. I
also
believe that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
have the effective plans to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
resources.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes

IELTS essay Governments spend millions of dollars each year on their space programmes Most recently Mars is the focus of scientists attention Some people think this money would be better spent on dealing with problems closer to home v. 2

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
355 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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