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when you face difficult problems in life, which do you feel is the best way to solve them- asking someone with more experience for advise about the problemUse specific reasons and examples to support your answer v.2

when you face difficult problems in life, which do you feel is the best way to solve them- asking someone with more experience for advise about the problemUse specific reasons and examples to support your answer v. 2
Having problems in your life can feel overwhelming and it may be that the last thing you want to do is face them. If I had to face a problem, I would have asked a wise person for some advice. It is my firm belief that mature people can help resolve a challenge for a number of reasons, and I will develop these ideas in the subsequent paragraphs. To begin with, getting help from trained person is important for staying sane and solving problems because they are more knowledgable. Humans are social creatures and we are evolutionarily designed to help each other. If we do not seek their guidance, we will not be able to find an answer. I have to admit that my opinion on this matter has been profoundly influenced by my own personal experience. Last year when I gave TOEFL, I could not score above 100 which is minimum requirement to get into the dental program. When I was struggling, I decided to seek a professional tutor. As a result, after getting tips from TOEFL instructor, I finally scored above 100 and got admitted into the dental program that I could be proud of. For this reason, I was able to finish my dental school and I have been very successful at a very young age and I owe it all to my instructor who directed me in the right direction. Secondly, one should look to others who have experienced the same kind of issue because they can have different perspective. We are surrounded by people who love us and want to help us. If you ask how they coped with, one will definitely sort out the issue. Drawing from my own experience, my uncle had a heart surgery two years ago. After that surgery, different doctors gave different opinions that he might need another surgery. However, one of my family member who is a radiologist confirmed that he would not need any further surgery. It is certainly clear to see why following suggestions from close family members can approach the challenge from a different perspective. In light of the above mentioned reasons, I strongly believe that it is better to ask wise people for advice. This is because they help us solve problems as they are more knowledgeable and have more experience.
Having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
in your life can feel overwhelming and it may be that the last thing you want to do is face them. If I had to face a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
, I would have asked a wise person for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advice. It is my firm belief that mature
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
resolve a challenge for a number of reasons, and I will develop these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
in the subsequent paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
from trained person is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for staying sane and solving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are more
Possible spelling mistake found.
knowledgable
. Humans are social
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
creatures and
we are
evolutionarily
designed to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
each other. If we do not seek their guidance, we will not be able to find an answer. I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
admit that my opinion on this matter has been
profoundly
influenced by my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
personal experience. Last year when I gave TOEFL, I could not score above 100 which is minimum requirement to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into the dental program. When I was struggling, I decided to seek a professional tutor.
As a result
, after getting tips from TOEFL instructor, I
finally
scored above 100 and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
admitted into the dental program that I could be proud of.
For this reason
, I was able to finish my dental school and I have been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
successful at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
young age and I owe it all to my instructor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
directed me in the right direction.

Secondly
, one should look to others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have experienced the same kind of issue
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
perspective. We
are surrounded
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
us and want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
us. If you ask how they coped with, one will definitely sort out the issue. Drawing from my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experience, my uncle had a heart surgery two years ago. After that surgery,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
doctors gave
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
opinions that he might need another surgery.
However
, one of my family member
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
is a radiologist confirmed that he would not need any
further
surgery. It is
certainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
why following suggestions from close family members can approach the challenge from a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
perspective.

In light of the above mentioned reasons, I
strongly
believe that it is better to ask wise
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
for advice. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
us solve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
as they are more knowledgeable and have more experience.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay when you face difficult problems in life, which do you feel is the best way to solve them- asking someone with more experience for advise about the problemUse specific reasons and examples to support your answer v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
386 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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