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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement " traditions should be followed be followed by people" v.1

" traditions should be followed be followed by people" v. 1
No one can deny that there are both positive and negative aspects of traditions on society. If I were forced to choose, I would definitely say that traditions represent a critical piece of our culture. It is my firm belief that they help form the structure and foundation of our families and our society for a number of reasons, and I will develop these ideas in the subsequent paragraphs. To begin with, tradition contributes a sense of comfort and belonging. It brings families together and enables people to reconnect with friends. I have to admit that my opinion on this matter has been profoundly influenced by my own experience. My husband and I spent this past weekend with good friends. One evening, they shared photos of their family and took us on a stroll down memory lane. They have wonderful memories of raising their family. Now their children are grown up, and have kids of their own. For this reason, traditions strengthen the importance of family, reinforce important values, and bring everyone so much comfort and joy. Secondly, traditions serve as a signpost for the whole world as holidays are an important fabric of life. Drawing from my own experience as a child, I always looked forward to Thanksgiving. On Thanksgiving morning, Mom made delicious Parker house rolls and placed a small slip of paper with fortune in the middle of each one. At Thanksgiving dinner, family members read their fortune out loud when they opened their roll. I follow the same tradition and now our meals are filled with promises of God' s goodness until the last roll disappears from the basket. It' s certainly clear to see why we should always be thankful of holidays like Thanksgiving for it gives us time to stop and reflect. In light to the above mentioned reasons, I strongly believe that traditions brings families and friends together.
No one can deny that there are both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
on society. If I
were forced
to choose, I would definitely say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
represent a critical piece of our culture. It is my firm belief that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
form the structure and foundation of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
and our society for a number of reasons, and I will develop these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
in the subsequent paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tradition
contributes a sense of comfort and belonging. It brings
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
together and enables
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to reconnect with friends. I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
admit that my opinion on this matter has been
profoundly
influenced by my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experience. My husband and I spent this past weekend with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
friends. One evening, they shared photos of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and took us on a stroll down memory lane. They have wonderful memories of raising their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
their children
are grown
up, and have kids of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
For this reason
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
strengthen the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, reinforce
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
values, and bring everyone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much
The pronoun 'everyone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "comforts", "comforted".
comfort
and joy.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
serve as a signpost for the whole world as holidays are an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
fabric of life. Drawing from my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experience as a child, I always looked forward to Thanksgiving. On Thanksgiving morning, Mom made delicious Parker
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
rolls and placed a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
slip of paper with fortune in the middle of each one. At Thanksgiving dinner,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members read their fortune out loud when they opened their roll. I follow the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tradition
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
our meals
are filled
with promises of
Possible spelling mistake found.
God&
#039; s goodness until the last roll disappears from the basket.
Possible spelling mistake found.
It&
#039; s
certainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
why we should always be thankful of holidays like Thanksgiving for it gives us time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
and reflect.

In light to the above mentioned reasons, I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
brings
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
and friends together.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay " traditions should be followed be followed by people" v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
315 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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