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When the time comes to commence full-time employment, individuals who have graduated from university deserve a high salary than those who have not. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.1

When the time comes to commence full-time employment, individuals who have graduated from university deserve a high salary than those who have not. with this opinion? v. 1
People have different views on the subjects that the government should invest in and prioritize in order to achieve what is termed economic development. Some believe that a larger portion of government funds should be dedicated to teaching science-related. In my opinion, although science plays a large role, other subjects hold merit in their own right in contributing to, and in driving, economic progress and therefore, deserve equal government investment and funding. On the one hand, public funding in science education subjects is important in driving the development of a country in many areas, such as engineering and medicine. For example, developed countries such as Japan has emphasised the science education of their citizens. This strong focus has led to science learning, knowledge, and scientific research achievement, foster innovation and increases productivity, which directly contributes to the national economic growth of the nation. Therefore, investment in the teaching of science education is crucial for a country’s economic progress. On the other hand, the management of a nation also determines its state of development and economic progress. As such, it can be argued that curriculum subjects such as social sciences and law require as much attention and investment. For example, developing economies such as Indonesia and Cambodia have long experienced a history of political and social unrests and conflicts. This can largely be attributed to instability and poor management of legal, social and governmental systems. This is in contrast to their Asian counterparts such as Singapore and Korea, where well-established and stable civil law and political institutions can be observed. In conclusion, subjects related to the management of a nation’s economy, such as social sciences have as much impact and significance of the development and progress of one’s nation and deserve as much government investment as science subjects.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should invest in and prioritize in order to achieve what
is termed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
believe that a larger portion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
funds should
be dedicated
to teaching science-related. In my opinion, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
plays a large role, other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
hold merit in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
right in contributing to, and in driving,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
progress and
therefore
, deserve equal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
investment
and funding.

On the one hand, public funding in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in driving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of a country in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
areas, such as engineering and medicine.
For example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
such as Japan has
Possible spelling mistake. 'emphasised' is British English.
emphasised
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
education of their citizens. This strong focus has led to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
learning, knowledge, and scientific research achievement, foster innovation and increases productivity, which
directly
contributes to the national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
growth of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
investment
in the teaching of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
education is crucial for a country’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
progress.

On the other hand
, the management of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
also
determines its state of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
progress. As such, it can
be argued
that curriculum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sciences
and law require as much attention and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
investment
.
For example
, developing economies such as Indonesia and Cambodia have long experienced a history of political and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
Possible spelling mistake found.
unrests
and conflicts. This can
largely
be attributed
to instability and poor management of legal,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
and governmental systems. This is
in contrast
to their Asian counterparts such as Singapore and Korea, where well-established and stable civil law and political institutions can
be observed
.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
related to the management of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation’s
economy, such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sciences
have as much impact and significance of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
and progress of one’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
and deserve as much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
investment
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay When the time comes to commence full-time employment, individuals who have graduated from university deserve a high salary than those who have not. with this opinion? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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